Are Secret Societies Watching you?

Are you intrigued by secret societies? Me too!

This is a true story. About two years ago I was helping my parents clean out my great grandparents house. All of the men on my father’s side of my family, including my father, have been Masons. (My father never actually talks about it though).
When we were clearing one of the dressers I found a very old Masonic handbook that belonged to my great grandfather. I asked my Dad if I could have it and he said yes. Because I was flying back to Germany and I had a very tightly packed suitcase I decided to mail the handbook and a few other things to myself instead of carrying it in my suitcase. A few weeks after I got back to Germany the box arrived in the mail. It had been torn to pieces and badly taped back up. A few of the items inside were broken and a few things were missing. Among the missing was the Masonic handbook. Weird, right? The secret text outsiders were not supposed to look at was gone from the package.
What is crazier is that someone at the post office had put the book “The Men Who Stare at Goats” into the box and taped it back up. On one level it is hilarious that a box would be destroyed in the mail and a postal worker would look at the mess and for whatever reason put a random book in the package and call it good. BUT on another level I think it is a little freaky that of all the mail to go missing - that book (of all books) ends up getting lost and then replaced with a book about people with magical mental powers.

I believe the “Masonic Powers that Be” intervened to make sure I did not get my hands on their manual. It was very mysterious and I guess their secret is STILL safe.

Have you ever had an unexplained, mysterious happening in your life? A coincidence that is too weird to write off? Let me know in the comments below.

This week I am 1/5th of the way through this 100 day journey of quotes and collages. I feel like I just started this project yesterday. It confirms my suspicion that time is actually speeding up. Do you feel this way too? It reminds me that time is precious and our only non-renewable resource. (See day 21.) I need to be conscious of how I spend my time.

I hope this note finds you happy and well and enjoying how you spend your time!

XOBeth

Day 21/100 - Time

Day 20/100 - Hope is the song of a bird in spring. Yesterday we hiked in the warm sunny weather and it truly felt like the embodiment of hope. Hope is spring after winter, the light at the end of the tunnel.

Day 17/100 Egyptian Proverbs

Day 18/100 - A quote from David Strickel. I enjoy his YouTube channel.

Day 16/100 - Another David Strickel and the Stream quote

Day 15/100 - Day 15 was Valentine’s day. I enjoyed cutting and pasting these hearts.

Honest Reflection On a Hole in the Street

It's January 4th and I am sitting here doing a mental round-up of the past year and contemplating my goals for the future.  

I have been putting off this self-reflection because the (depressing) truth is that there might have been small changes this year and years past but really, I am still in the same place in my art life that I have been for years. Essentially, I have a pattern of one step forward and two to three steps back. I have good intentions but how is it - without making too many excuses- that I find myself in almost the same place I've always been at?

What makes me uncomfortable to admit is that though my intentions are good or the vague goals I set are good, I am actually just living out a series of habituated, auto-pilot behaviors. 

This year I did paint a lot more, I did sell more paintings (18) and I posted more. But, I did not sustain it and I allowed my usual insecurities about money and worthiness to get in the way of painting, selling, posting and enjoying it even more. 

I used to say frequently to myself "I don't want to be 60 years old and still complaining that I don't have time to do "my" art." It occurred to me in this time of contemplation that 60 years old is only 14 years away!! (Gulp) What am I waiting on to really get this off the ground and accomplish the things I want to? I am not content to keep going in the same way that I have been, because inside I am unsettled and know I could be doing more. I don't want to regret all the ideas and pictures in my head that I am not allowing to come to life because of fear or complacency. 

I think what is really at the heart of it all is that I don't truly, down deep inside, believe it is available to me. I don't believe that having this life of my dreams (successful, money making artist and teacher) is an option. I could try to figure out why I feel that way and go over all the possible reasons but that does not change anything and only makes me think that negative thought even more. Instead of reinforcing that belief I need to change it. If a belief is just a thought you think over and over again, I need to reprogram myself with some new beliefs.

This poem by Portia Nelson sums things up beautifully:

THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

I think I am teetering between chapters four and five. I am at the corner, I see the hole. I am standing here biting my nails, looking at the hole and also trying to see down the other street. The other street's view is obstructed so I don't exactly know what is down there. That's what makes taking it so scary and why I am hesitating about which way to go.

Can I live consciously in a way that will take me out of auto-pilot and down a brand new street?
Do I have the courage to try and live the joyful life I want?

All it requires is one step, but in which direction?

What are you contemplating for the new year? Leave me a comment and we'll talk!
Wishing you a lovely 2018,
Beth

Is Your Brain feeling a Little Tired?

This week my brain was tired. Do you ever feel that way? 

Believe it or not, painting is hard work. Yes, it's totally enjoyable, but it is hard work all the same. I have discovered that it takes about four straight hours of staring hard at something and trying to copy the colors and shapes before your brain starts to get tired and yell for caffeine or sugar. (Maybe that is just my brain... some brains probably yell for carrots). This week after painting so many days in a row my brain decided it needed a nap and a little switch up.

Instead of painting I decided to make stencils to use while painting. (art geek)

Everywhere you look there are patterns. Your iPhone makes it easy to record them. If you like playing around with mixed media or if you like playing around with scissors you might want to try and make your own. This would be a fun exercise to do with kids, how can you replicate the world you see around you?

I used a plastic folder with pockets (left over school supplies.) I drew the design on the folder with a sharpie then cut it out. Totally easy and now I have my own stencils.

This is only the beginning of pattern collecting. Tomorrow I'm back to painting! 

Finished stencils. 

Photographic inspiration while walking the dog. 

Balcony railings. 

Not sure what decade this is from... 

The painted stencil. 

Day Two and Still On The Wagon...

Day two of the painting challenge is in the books! The family and I are lounging around the house and enjoying our last holiday before school and work puts us back into our routines. 

We woke up to snow on the ground and things seem to keep getting sleepier from there. (The dog is actually sleeping at my feet as I type this.)

I did manage to sneak into the studio and finish up a project from the online course, Lifebook 2016, that I took this past year. This gal looks a little bit like a gypsy but the message is right. Choose love!

Tomorrow it is back to oil painting after a month of mixed media. I can't wait! 

Monday Morning Fear Check...

I am in a lucky place in my life right now. I have no crazy obligations and my husband is not screaming at me to get a part time job. I really have all day to paint, I just have to do it. 

Yet again, I feel I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I can step into my dreams, into my joy- yet I hesitate. When I say it aloud logically it's not a monumental or scary thing. Leap, create, paint, do what you have been saying you always wanted to do. Emotionally, as I sit here and contemplate painting or making art, that old fear rises and my stomach feels queasy. 

"Committ, to you my love? "

I know who's here, it's my old nemesis Resistance. It's been beating me for 25 years, always coming up with a cunning excuse or new argument for why it's stupid to chase my dreams. All I can do is take it day by day like an alcoholic. God grant me the courage to create today- to slap resistance off my back.

Maybe that is why  "artist" seems to be a negative archetype. The daily inner battle of resistance and fear - so I repeat my mantra: 

I love myself... I love myself... I love myself... l love...

love...

Explaining Inspiration

This week I spent a little time exploring a new creative process that turned out to be a blast. I want to share it with you because whether you make art or not, we all have the choice to look at the world around us and see what peaks our interest and create a life that's beautiful.

This process was taught by Tracy Verdugo on Tamara LaPorte's "LifeBook 2016," an online course I have been taking for the past two years. As an artist I am often asked where do I get my inspiration. Usually, I respond with "I don't know" or the equally vague  "life, I guess." But really, inspiration is everywhere - you just have to be willing to pay attention to the details. 

In this process, Tracy teaches students to make inspiration bundles as a creative prompt. The task was to go through 6 or 7 books or papers you have collected and tear out a random image (don't over think it) so that you have a stack of about 7 to 12 pieces of paper. Taking each piece of paper one at a time see what appeals to you and incorporate that into your piece. Below is my finished painting that, in the end,  I was very happy with. BUT - like everything in life - there was a catch...

"Little Details" 9 x 12" mixed media

This is my first image and it is not hard to see where the figure is represented. What WAS hard and what you do not see is that underneath all the layers there was a beautiful, painstakingly  painted re-creation of this woman in black and white. Then I came to my next image and had to  decide what to lose and what to keep. What to paint over and what to incorporate.

In the end it turned out to be a much more interesting painting because of what was kept and lost. That is how I see life. We can try as hard as we can to be something we think we "should" be, to hang on tight to those images and stories we want to tell about ourselves. However, the real beauty is in the details. What we observe, discard and layer. That is how we take our world and create a life that is authentic and worth living.

Each image below is represented in the finished product. Can you spot the inspirational details?

Yes, even a #10 envelope can be inspiring if you really look at it.

Sing in Me O Muse

Right now I am feeling thankful that I have this time to work in my studio and get connected back to my spirit and my art.

My usual M.O. Would be to rush into some crazy job or volunteer opportunity to create self worth. But instead of panicking, I am going to trust that my highest hope for myself and God's will for me are in alignment. My path (career or otherwise) is unfolding and I need to trust not panic.

Yesterday, I sat with my thoughts and called in the muse. Above is a picture of her surrounded by symbols of where I am and want to go creatively. She is colorful and bold - just what I hoped to call in.

"Sing in me O Muse, and through me tell the story." -a rough translation of Homer's invocation to the Muse. 

What are you thankful for today? Are you going to trust your spirit or panic?

Baby Birds & Chickens, my favorite!

I indulged myself this past week by making my Early Childhood classes through first grade paint chickens and baby birds- some of my favorite subject matter. 

I realize when I am calm and approach the children with the attitude "I am here to serve you" things have gone great. This past week I made it a point to try and look each child I talked to directly in the eye and see them as an individual person. For the most part they still inhabit that magical realm you get to live in until you are about nine. It is a gift to be reminded that there is still magic in the world... Like the magic of crayons and watercolor paint...

These chickens are somewhere over the rainbow. One chicken is even carrying her chicks on her back! 

Love those colors! 

Molly's sun is in glasses. 

Primary Color Baby Chicks

So cute! 

Marie Antoinette may have gotten a bad rap...

This week has been fabulous! Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I painted all day. I even managed to paint a little after getting the kiddos into bed on Wednesday night too.
I have to admit that just three days of creative endeavors has totally lightened my soul. Sounds dramatic but I mean it! I feel light and I don't have that low-level nagging guilt taking up air space in the back of my brain. 
Do some people really live life like this? Not having something hanging over them or having the feeling that they are wasting time on activities their choosing simply because they "should?"

Please Beth, remember this feeling next time you are racing off to some volunteer activity!
Hmmm, what will tomorrow bring?

What to do when life happens...

Well, if you read my first post you will see that I declared myself an artist

"With God as my witness I will not be distracted by busy-ness again."

Unfortunately, I was immediately distracted again. Life happens! Luckily, it was to entertain a beloved relative... so I am not really complaining. We did manage to spend a day creating abstract paintings and a day at the art museum. We also sat by a fire pit and listened to the baseball playoffs on the radio, old school.
Not necessarily creative living but really good for the soul. Sometimes it is just nice to do something you normally don't do. 

Everyday Busy Bee, 9x12

Primary Colors, 9x12

painting by Billy Aaron Brown

I am absolutely in love with this mixed-media technique! (Cousin Billy Aaron Brown and I worked on these paintings one day during his visit.)  It involves layers and layers of paint, charcoal, watercolor and collage. It is so free compared to my usual oil paintings. It's fun to see the little bits of paper I obsessively save finally used on something. (I found the large pink number on the sidewalk the day I did this piece.) It is a great way to take a break from painting and inspires me to do other paintings. - The first two are mine and the third one is Billy's.

Photo of Billy Aaron Brown in a Sculpture at the Smithsonian American Art Museum