I am finally letting my guard down for the first time since the beginning of July. How is it that Doug always seems to handle these things better? I have been so busy, so many lines on the to do list that I have really not slowed down to think about our situation until now.

I dropped the kids off at their new school and Doug to his new job and then I think my body said enough! I promptly got a sore throat, started feeling feverish and the tears began to roll.

Dont get me wrong, I chose this move. I felt like if I did not do it now I'd never be given another chance for this experience.

See, I've always wanted to live in Europe, Italy to be exact, but really anywhere in Europe. My husband and I both previously applied for jobs here in Germany and things never worked out. This time things worked with lightening fast precision. So fast, in fact, it has almost been unnerving. A God thing for my spiritual friends a freaky coincidence for my non-spiritual.

It's true, I was very, very happy in DC. I loved my home, my friends, my church, my kid's school, my routine. I knew when school started back I would sub a few days a week to help with bills and then the rest of the time I would throw myself into creating art and building my art business. I was very content with that scenario.

But I also realize that is a perfect time for God to expand me or others that find themselves in that situation. I was perfectly happy, that's when I got my big life changer. Not when I wanted it before, when I was more unsettled and trying to force things.

So- here I sit in a temporary house in Sembach, Germany, weepy with a sore throat. Trying to nurse it with hot tea and aspirin. In one hour I will head to the girls school and try not to look like I am upset.

As I write this it's 7:30 am at home. I say a prayer for my friend with the hardest school commute. I am sorry I can't be there to help her this week.

I still have busy work to do (get a German driver's license, Dr. Appointments, etc.) then I suppose I will get a job so we can start paying off this crazy move over here! Let's see, there's the expense of getting the old house up to rental code, the pet's trip over, new car for us here and a new house to live in here. (By the way, German landlords expect three months rent deposit -ouch- that you will probably not get back. The houses also don't come with closets. Now I know why IKEA sells all those wardrobes.) I now realize "they are paying to move us" means they are simply shipping our household goods for us.

Writing this all out has made me feel better. Perhaps it's been a downer for you reading it, especially if you read my Facebook post yesterday. But for now this is where I am at. --Stick with me. I promise it will get better and cheerier. Things usually do!

Very soon I will be back to posting artwork and observations on life in a foreign country. Expect many stories on how I embarrass my 12 year old by sticking out as American. I am sure one day soon I will feel happily contented with life here and that is when God will move us on to another adventure. But for now I will just work on keeping my guard down for a little longer and lean into feeling sad.