Parents Rejoice - School's In...Peace of Mind Is Restored

Here I sit in limbo. I'm back in my studio surrounded by stacks of finished paintings and half finished pieces that are also in limbo, forgotten still life set-ups I could never make interesting and a pile of junk that has slowly accumulated all summer because there was no place else for it to go. 

This happens every year. At some point my steady creative output stops. Usually it coincides with summer and the kids getting out of school. That long relished break from schedules and committments turns into something else. I always have good intentions, I am going to keep a sketchbook or something like that but I usually end up literally closing the door (the studio door) on that part of my life.  

Then every year about the end of August I feel crazy and totally off center. It is always comes out of the blue and is always a mystery to me. I can't wait for school to start again so I can have time alone to think. The excitement of May and June quickly turns into the despair and depression of late August.  

It happens every year and yet I somehow forget. Then it dawns on me, just like its the first time - "Oh! Its the work! Life is not dramatic and melancholy. It's just time to get back to work - back to creating." Then relief sets in, creative plans are made, hope is restored! I'll ease back into my art the same way I'll ease back into exercise and healthy eating! (LOL)

Life has seasons. Nature knows this and takes its break in winter. Somehow, I always forget this important cycle and I am hard on myself. Not only plants but people and ideas need time to take root too.

Just like the rose awakens in March and pushes out its green tendrils, I am waking up after summer. I'm getting ready to put out some tendrils of my own and dreaming of blossoms to come. Now, instead of depression I am excited for this new season!

What do you look forward to in fall? Football? Cooler weather? Do you have new things starting that have been put off all summer too? Let me know by responding to this blog.

Thanks for reading!
Talk to you later,
Beth

another stack of paintings...

Future-Thinking is Keeping You in the Past

I am a chronic future-thinker. Perhaps you are too? Future-thinking means always looking to get or do things in that elusive future date.

A general example is "When I make more money I will take that class or that trip I have always wanted to." Some things I always say to myself are "When I am finally painting and making money from my art work I will buy those bigger canvases I need for that series." or "When I have painted longer and sold more THEN I will explore how to lead a workshop." or my favorite go to "When I am selling paintings and making money I will finally stop feeling guilty for not having a real job."

The fault of the future-thinking premise is that of course there will never be a future in that sense. There is only the present moment. The present moment is where we actually operate from and make decisions that affect our "future." Future-thinking is actually thinking motivated by scarcity and feeling that you don't deserve something because you are telling yourself that whatever you want you don't have but hope to in the future. Again, it's never the future, its always the present moment. So you never actually get what your future-thinking self wants. Confusing, huh?

To make a mental shift we have to realize that we already are whatever it is that we want. We have to make decisions from that place instead of the future. 

Example: "I am going to configure my budget (or get on a budget) so I can take that class or trip I want to.",   "I am going to buy bigger canvases for the painting series I am doing because it will help my goals as an artist." or "I am going to explore leading an art workshop because I am a painter." or "Painting is my real job and the more I do it the more successful I become."

Rewording the future-thinking makes me feel better immediately! Try it yourself by filling in your own blanks:
"I am going to ________ because I am _______" or
"I am going to _________ because it makes me feel __________."
"I am exploring _____________ now because it will be fun."

Personally, I am working on getting out of the habit of future thinking. We can't put off our happiness and yearnings to retirement or when the kids get older or when you lose 20 pounds. We are worthy of what we want now simply because we choose it. What are you choosing today?

Do you fall prone to future-thinking too?
Leave me a comment and let's talk.

Until next time,
Beth

Honest Reflection On a Hole in the Street

It's January 4th and I am sitting here doing a mental round-up of the past year and contemplating my goals for the future.  

I have been putting off this self-reflection because the (depressing) truth is that there might have been small changes this year and years past but really, I am still in the same place in my art life that I have been for years. Essentially, I have a pattern of one step forward and two to three steps back. I have good intentions but how is it - without making too many excuses- that I find myself in almost the same place I've always been at?

What makes me uncomfortable to admit is that though my intentions are good or the vague goals I set are good, I am actually just living out a series of habituated, auto-pilot behaviors. 

This year I did paint a lot more, I did sell more paintings (18) and I posted more. But, I did not sustain it and I allowed my usual insecurities about money and worthiness to get in the way of painting, selling, posting and enjoying it even more. 

I used to say frequently to myself "I don't want to be 60 years old and still complaining that I don't have time to do "my" art." It occurred to me in this time of contemplation that 60 years old is only 14 years away!! (Gulp) What am I waiting on to really get this off the ground and accomplish the things I want to? I am not content to keep going in the same way that I have been, because inside I am unsettled and know I could be doing more. I don't want to regret all the ideas and pictures in my head that I am not allowing to come to life because of fear or complacency. 

I think what is really at the heart of it all is that I don't truly, down deep inside, believe it is available to me. I don't believe that having this life of my dreams (successful, money making artist and teacher) is an option. I could try to figure out why I feel that way and go over all the possible reasons but that does not change anything and only makes me think that negative thought even more. Instead of reinforcing that belief I need to change it. If a belief is just a thought you think over and over again, I need to reprogram myself with some new beliefs.

This poem by Portia Nelson sums things up beautifully:

THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

I think I am teetering between chapters four and five. I am at the corner, I see the hole. I am standing here biting my nails, looking at the hole and also trying to see down the other street. The other street's view is obstructed so I don't exactly know what is down there. That's what makes taking it so scary and why I am hesitating about which way to go.

Can I live consciously in a way that will take me out of auto-pilot and down a brand new street?
Do I have the courage to try and live the joyful life I want?

All it requires is one step, but in which direction?

What are you contemplating for the new year? Leave me a comment and we'll talk!
Wishing you a lovely 2018,
Beth

How’s that Gratitude thing working for you?

Its been about three weeks since I started this little gratitude challenge and I wanted to check-in with myself and see if it has changed anything.  The honest answer is yes and no.

Sitting down and writing in my "gratitude" journal has been a good practice overall. Sometimes, my list comes much easier than others. Sometimes at the end of it I feel so happy and prosperous, other times I feel like I just phoned it in and checked the box. I had hoped this would make me feel like it is all unicorns and rainbows by the end of the month - maybe I'll still get there. 

Even though this practice has not done for me what I thought it would already, the cumulative affect is good. I find myself throughout the day noticing things or thinking "I am so glad that..." or "I am so thankful that…" I realize in those moments that two things have happened, I am in a state of present moment awareness and I am appreciating it.

Perhaps, instead of rainbows and unicorns that is really the place we are trying to get to. Being more present in life and appreciating what is already there for us. Of course, that is easy to do when you’re looking at a beautiful sunset or eating a delicious meal. "Level Two Gratitude" must be living more in the present moment and appreciating it, even if the sky is cloudy and the food sucks. That sounds hard and I am no where close to that.

Doing this gratitude practice has made me more aware of the language I use.  It has made me realize when I am negative about things. There is still room for improvement but they say the first step to change is simply noticing. So, hopefully, I am on my way to being a more positive person.

I have noticed a few of you on Faceboook doing this challenge. How has it been for you? I've loved seeing what you are thankful for. Has it changed or shifted anything for you? Please leave a comment and let me know. 

This week we have company visiting us for Thanksgiving. I am so excited to have our friends and have been thinking of gratitude related activities. Here are two, you may want to try them as well.

 • Gratitude grab:  
Warn your guests or family members beforehand if possible so they can have time to think. Ask them to come up with five things they’re grateful for. Provide strips of paper for people to write their gratitudes on. Put them in a bowl in the middle of the table. Take turns letting everyone draw and read a paper from the bowl. (This will work better with a smaller group.) Keep reading until each person's list has been read and everyone's had a chance to read. When you’re finished raise a toast to your shared abundance. 

 • Conversation starter:
Can you think of a person, place or thing that you weren’t so happy about at first but later it turned into something you are really grateful for?  It is good to recognize that sometimes our biggest blessings don't look that way at first.

Studio Update:

I continue to paint daily and work on different things. At the beginning of November, I put small Day of the Dead prints on Instagram and Facebook and told people to message me if they wanted one. I got a little over 25 requests. Many were from people I didn’t know. It was a lot of fun to make them and write on the back of each one. As people received their prints many of them emailed me a photo of where they hung it. The folks who received them seemed so happy about it that I felt blessed too. The whole thing inspired me to try and print my own Christmas cards. It could be a fun project for the whole family... I’ll see if I can get them made in time - if not you may be getting it next Christmas.

Sending you lots of love, 

Beth 

Day of the Dead print

Layest chicken painting, modeled after Ingre’s portrait of Mademoiselle Jeanne Gonin.

Mademoiselle Jeanne Gonin, by Jean August’s Dominique Ingres

An Open Letter to My Kids

Dear Kids,

Being a parent is hard. I look at other people and see how they raise their kids and realize I am quick to criticize them in my head. It is easy to throw stones from my glass house over here.

I also plainly see the mistakes I make. I should probably start keeping a journal of them when they happen because it will make it easier for you when you're older and in therapy. You can just flip through it and say "Oh, here it is, October 2017, my Mom lost her temper and said..."

Sometimes I feel like I am too hard on you. You are just being you - navigating through your own challenges the best you can. I find myself putting pressure on you to know how to do it already. I put pressure on you to know how to act, what to say, how to behave perfectly in every situation like you have had 40 years experience doing it already. I forget that I have had over 40 years experience and still don't know how to act or what to say most of the time. Why do I expect more of you?

I try to tell myself to relax, go easier, be patient but I usually lose it somewhere around homework or reminding you to do the same thing over and over again. 

Do you hear the disappointment and contempt in my voice? I do... that's what I am afraid of. I am afraid you hear it, take it to heart and replay it in your head until my voice becomes the soundtrack of you not feeling good enough about yourself.

The truth is - you are good enough. The truth is that I am really happy and delighted and so proud of you. The truth is you are beautiful.

When I fall short and over react and yell at you its often because I am tired or internalizing whatever you have done to make it a reflection on me. The truth is you are a really good kid. When you are upset or insolent it has been building up. I the adult could have steered it somewhere else, or taken your attention from your phone, or given us both a time-out sooner.

I do understand school is hard. It is a lot more demanding than when I was your age. Social drama is hard! You have a lot more distractions to juggle and pick your way through than I did. Why should you always know how to act?

The truth is I only have you around for a few more years and then who knows where you'll go. I promise I will do a much better job of remembering this before I get so frustrated and hit the roof over little things.

How do I want you to remember me as a parent? Do I want you to remember me as the tired woman who never smiled and complained you weren't doing good enough? Or do I want  you to remember me as the mother who motivated you and showered you with affection? I want you to remember me as the mother who trusted you and let you work toward your own dreams and goals not mine. I want you to remember me as the person who was always in your corner and had your back. The person who's eyes lit up when they saw you.

To do that I also need to be patient with me. I need to relax and mother myself. I can't work out my imperfections and shortcomings by trying to correct them in you. Your school years are not a way for me to do over mine, they are your lessons to learn for yourself. 

Mostly, I need to enjoy you more! As you switch gears and grow into an adult I have to switch gears too. I need to focus more on helping you nurture your inner wisdom as you make your own choices. I must focus on enjoying this journey of raising you before you leave to be the captain of your own journey.

I promise I will work on this. Why? Because, I love you more than you'll ever know.
Mom

New School Year, Second Chance

I don't know about you but I always feel like the beginning of the school year is my chance to revisit and re-energize all those New Year's resolutions I made last January and have slowly let go of. I did not totally drop the ball but it is hard to focus on your to-do list when you have kids on summer vacation, wonderful family visitors and all the good beer and weather of a German summer.

Summer play time also brings good ideas. I visited a lot of beautiful places this summer, some famous and some not. All those images in my brain have to go somewhere - hopefully they will show up on a canvas this winter. 

My obsession with painting chickens is slowing down as I prepare for the next series I have in mind. It is going to be a lot more complicated than what I currently paint so I am summoning the courage to actually do it and not keep putting it off (it combines portraits and birds).

This year I also need to focus on actually selling artwork!
I imagine a lot of artists have this goal. I plan to research online marketing, ramp up social media and basically market myself which is really scary to an introvert like me. This month I am showing all my chicken paintings in the local library on Vogelweh Base here in Germany - which is a start in the right direction.

Next up - paint, paint, paint!

As I ease back into regular blog posts, here are a few art related posts from the summer.

Please leave a comment and let me know: How was your summer? What are you hoping to get done this fall?

Until next time,
Beth :-)

The beginning of yet another chicken... 

This little watercolor sketch was from the pool. Can you see the man that was in front of me? 

Giant tile mosaic in the Paris metro. 

Relax, You'll Be A Great Success?

How do you define success?

Today  on Lewis Howes' School of Greatness podcast, I was inspired by his guest, graffiti artist Eric Wahl to really examine my idea of success. Eric Wahl said that after financial ruin at age 30 he decided to redefine success by things like having a nice dinner with his family. That made me think, how do I define success?

Without really examining it, I define success like I think most people do. Success is appreciation and financial reward for my hard work. And sometime in the future, when I have achieved a certain financial sweet spot... I will be successful. Then what? What does that really mean? What will I do when I reach that magical state of success? Well, for me when I dig down deeper and really think about it, it means I get to exhale and relax. You have earned it, you have nothing to prove - relax.

This may come as a surprise but I don't think I have relaxed since I left college. On the outside it might have looked that way but believe me on the inside I was making a list of what I should have been doing instead or what I would do when I finished "relaxing." My wistful college memories are not of crazy animal-house style frat parties but of long, languid afternoons laying around watching soap operas. (How many men Erica Kane, How many men?)

Success is a tricky thing - its tightly tied to our self worth. I think that was really at the heart of all the volunteering I did in my 30's. If I do X and it is successful it will make me feel good about myself. That raises my self worth and then guess what? I get to take a break because I deserve it. I can be easy on myself - Thank God, because I am really exhausted!

Unfortunately the formula of overachievement = self worth = success does not bring what you desire anymore than equating success to some undefined future goal you cling to. I am not saying success is bad or unworthy. I am not saying that volunteering is bad or having goals is wrong. What I am getting at is the WHY and the WHAT of your success.

When you know what the real WHAT is behind your goal or success then you can align with the WHY. Then all of a sudden you are where you really want to be and doing something you want to do on purpose. Your action is aligned with the right energy.

When I clear away all the outward shiny pennies of success like a nice house, nice clothes, fabulous vacations, etc. what it really represents at the core is the feeling of security in which I can let my guard down and just relax. I can enjoy the moment with out pressuring myself to do something I'm not really inspired to do.  The irony of the situation is that I do not have to achieve success or do anything or be anything other than in the present moment to feel relaxed! My real end goal is already here, I just have to let myself check into it. I have been spending all these years slogging from point A to B but really there is only one point and I am already there, I just need to realize it. There is no worthiness to prove, no amount of money or volunteering will make me more deserving. There is only one thing to do, grant my self permission to do what I want instead of making the story about some pie-in-the-sky hard journey to success. 

I will now say no big deal, time to relax a bit. "Yes kids, I can watch a movie with you." "Sure Doug, let's enjoy a drink on the patio."

When you give yourself permission to live the WANT or the success how does that change the WHY? Because, then you are doing whatever you are doing from a place of purpose and love. Instead of being tired and "having" to push to make dinner or push to drive to gymnastics, you're energized to make dinner because it will taste good. You clean the house because it feels good to be organized. You drive to gymnastics excited about reading your book there. The work you do and the volunteering you do come out of love for either the cause or what your paycheck helps you enjoy in your life. See the difference? It feels better and paradoxically gets better results.

What is your definition of success? Push beyond the boat or the Benz and and ask what success really looks like for you. Is it out there in the distant future or is it something you could start to bring into your life, at least a little bit, right now?

Maybe you have this all figured out already and are pursuing your bliss. I hope you do. For me, I am just gonna go try and relax a little.

Thanks for reading! If you have time, listen to the podcast link above.
See you next week.

Beth

Complementary Chick, 7" x 9.5", oil on canvas. Available soon at my ETSY shop.

Explorer's Diary, entry No. 1

Inspired by Keri Smith's book "How to Be an Explorer of The World, Portable Life Museum" I am going to do a series of blog posts as an explorer collecting data in the world. Being an explorer totally fits in with trying to live a more creative life.
As a kid, did you ever daydream that you were an explorer? I certainly did and I still do. An explorer is, in their heart, a seriously curious person - a person who is always looking for new things to observe in the world.

Explorer's Diary, Entry No. 1

Quickly record 10 things that you did not notice before you sat down, about the place you are sitting right now. 

1. Paint splatters on the wall.

2. Patterns of paint all over the protective tablecloth.

3. The shadows cast on the wall are blue. 

4. I have a red olive oil can for brushes. 

5. There is a small picture of my last dog, Fred, looking at me. 

6. I have a little statue of Mother Mary who, instead of facing forward, is slightly turned left and facing me directly - spooky. (I actually have two images of the Madonna in front of me)

7. There are 34 images of birds in my direct sight line.  

8. There are three pieces of art by other artists right in front of me. Two by the talented Billy Aaron Brown and one by Abbey Ryan.

9. I have lots and lots and lots of brushes but I mostly use just 3.

10. There is a picture of my art accountability partner (Anne Barnes) smiling at me from my bulletin board...she is reminding me to hold us both accountable! 

What good was this little exercise? As I pointedly looked around my space I felt so grateful for my surroundings. I love the things I have collected. I love all the bright colors and inspirational quotes. I love being reminded of special people! (BA & AB). Recognizing that all those things surround me was energizing.

Familiarity and habitual behavior can hide things in plain sight!

I challenge you to do this same exploration right now. Are you sitting at your desk at work? Are you sitting at home reading this on your phone? Stop what you are doing and really look at your surroundings. Make a quick note of 10 things you see. It just might change how you feel about your surroundings.
p.s. If you do this post your observations below.

Dear Beginning Artist

C.S. Lewis — "Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn."

Dear Beginning Artist:
Here's the one thing that has taught me more about painting than anything else: Paint every day. Those three little words are enough to strike fear in the hearts of every art student cradling those fragile dreams of success. It's advice given by every art teacher - but to take it you must surrender to your craft.

I, like many of my fellow students, loved making art but only did it in those few hours a week of class. There are amazing artists that have been taking classes for years because paying for an art class is the only way they would let themselves make art. For fifteen long years I took classes, made art off and on and stuffed a lot of those dreams of an art career down below everything else. I could blame a lot of things but really it was, as Steven Pressfield puts it in his book "The War of Art", Resistance that was the culprit. 

It is said, the thing you resist persists. Thank God that is true! In the 25 plus years I have been personally putting up some form of resitance the desire has persisted. Our move to Germany literally gave me the freedom to make some sort of art everyday. And I discovered, just like all those fine art teachers told me, painting everyday has been my greatest teacher. 

Larry Bird practiced free throws, 300+ a day.

Chef Greg Mindell said it took him baking over 1,000 croissants before he started to understand it.

Researcher K. Anderson Ericsson came up with the theory that elite performers have practiced 10,000 hours. That equals roughly practicing everyday for 7 years.

How do you master your chosen craft? To give something seven years you must love it. Once you give yourself permission to do what makes your heart sing, do it over and over again! So simple its hard to get!

Practice makes perfect

Lucky Number 7

Today is the 7th and that means I have painted seven days in row. Huge accomplishment for me. I don't know if I have ever done that before, even at an art workshop. They certainly were not all keepers but with each time you show up at the easel you learn something. 

Today I painted a Chinese takeout box. It started out with a lot of potential and ended up looking like amateur night at the local pub.  I scraped the painting down and decided it was a marked improvement over the original! 

Well intentioned original  

Painting-A-Day

Back to oil painting after about six weeks. I felt a little rusty but anything feels that way when you're not used to it. For example; I am also trying to start the year off right by cooking and eating healthier- that feels weird too! 

Best of luck to everyone else out there who is trying to start the year off right. ;-)

Day Two and Still On The Wagon...

Day two of the painting challenge is in the books! The family and I are lounging around the house and enjoying our last holiday before school and work puts us back into our routines. 

We woke up to snow on the ground and things seem to keep getting sleepier from there. (The dog is actually sleeping at my feet as I type this.)

I did manage to sneak into the studio and finish up a project from the online course, Lifebook 2016, that I took this past year. This gal looks a little bit like a gypsy but the message is right. Choose love!

Tomorrow it is back to oil painting after a month of mixed media. I can't wait! 

Monday Morning Fear Check...

I am in a lucky place in my life right now. I have no crazy obligations and my husband is not screaming at me to get a part time job. I really have all day to paint, I just have to do it. 

Yet again, I feel I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I can step into my dreams, into my joy- yet I hesitate. When I say it aloud logically it's not a monumental or scary thing. Leap, create, paint, do what you have been saying you always wanted to do. Emotionally, as I sit here and contemplate painting or making art, that old fear rises and my stomach feels queasy. 

"Committ, to you my love? "

I know who's here, it's my old nemesis Resistance. It's been beating me for 25 years, always coming up with a cunning excuse or new argument for why it's stupid to chase my dreams. All I can do is take it day by day like an alcoholic. God grant me the courage to create today- to slap resistance off my back.

Maybe that is why  "artist" seems to be a negative archetype. The daily inner battle of resistance and fear - so I repeat my mantra: 

I love myself... I love myself... I love myself... l love...

love...

Explaining Inspiration

This week I spent a little time exploring a new creative process that turned out to be a blast. I want to share it with you because whether you make art or not, we all have the choice to look at the world around us and see what peaks our interest and create a life that's beautiful.

This process was taught by Tracy Verdugo on Tamara LaPorte's "LifeBook 2016," an online course I have been taking for the past two years. As an artist I am often asked where do I get my inspiration. Usually, I respond with "I don't know" or the equally vague  "life, I guess." But really, inspiration is everywhere - you just have to be willing to pay attention to the details. 

In this process, Tracy teaches students to make inspiration bundles as a creative prompt. The task was to go through 6 or 7 books or papers you have collected and tear out a random image (don't over think it) so that you have a stack of about 7 to 12 pieces of paper. Taking each piece of paper one at a time see what appeals to you and incorporate that into your piece. Below is my finished painting that, in the end,  I was very happy with. BUT - like everything in life - there was a catch...

"Little Details" 9 x 12" mixed media

This is my first image and it is not hard to see where the figure is represented. What WAS hard and what you do not see is that underneath all the layers there was a beautiful, painstakingly  painted re-creation of this woman in black and white. Then I came to my next image and had to  decide what to lose and what to keep. What to paint over and what to incorporate.

In the end it turned out to be a much more interesting painting because of what was kept and lost. That is how I see life. We can try as hard as we can to be something we think we "should" be, to hang on tight to those images and stories we want to tell about ourselves. However, the real beauty is in the details. What we observe, discard and layer. That is how we take our world and create a life that is authentic and worth living.

Each image below is represented in the finished product. Can you spot the inspirational details?

Yes, even a #10 envelope can be inspiring if you really look at it.

Sing in Me O Muse

Right now I am feeling thankful that I have this time to work in my studio and get connected back to my spirit and my art.

My usual M.O. Would be to rush into some crazy job or volunteer opportunity to create self worth. But instead of panicking, I am going to trust that my highest hope for myself and God's will for me are in alignment. My path (career or otherwise) is unfolding and I need to trust not panic.

Yesterday, I sat with my thoughts and called in the muse. Above is a picture of her surrounded by symbols of where I am and want to go creatively. She is colorful and bold - just what I hoped to call in.

"Sing in me O Muse, and through me tell the story." -a rough translation of Homer's invocation to the Muse. 

What are you thankful for today? Are you going to trust your spirit or panic?

Observations on a beginning

I am finally letting my guard down for the first time since the beginning of July. How is it that Doug always seems to handle these things better?  I have been so busy, so many lines on the to do list that I have really not slowed down to think about our situation until now. 

I dropped the kids off at their new school and Doug to his new job and then I think my body said enough! I promptly got a sore throat, started feeling feverish and the tears began to roll. 

Dont get me wrong, I chose this move. I felt like if I did not do it now I'd never be given another chance for this experience. 

See, I've always wanted to live in Europe, Italy to be exact, but really anywhere in Europe. My husband and I both previously applied for jobs here in Germany and things never worked out. This time things worked with lightening fast precision. So fast, in fact, it has almost been unnerving. A God thing for my spiritual friends a freaky coincidence for my non-spiritual.

It's true, I was very, very happy in DC.  I loved my home, my friends, my church, my kid's school, my routine. I knew when school started back I would sub a few days a week to help with bills and then the rest of the time I would throw myself into creating art and building my art business. I was very content with that scenario.

But I also realize that is a perfect time for God to expand me or others that find themselves in that situation. I was perfectly happy, that's when I got my big life changer. Not when I wanted it before, when I was more unsettled and trying to force things.

So- here I sit in a temporary house in Sembach, Germany, weepy with a sore throat. Trying to nurse it with hot tea and aspirin. In one hour I will head to the girls school and try not to look like I am upset.

As I write this it's 7:30 am at home.  I say a prayer for my friend with the hardest school commute. I am sorry I can't be there to help her this week.

I still have busy work to do (get a German driver's license, Dr. Appointments, etc.) then I suppose I will get a job so we can start paying off this crazy move over here! Let's see, there's the expense of getting the old house up to rental code, the pet's trip over, new car for us here and a new house to live in here. (By the way, German landlords expect three months rent deposit -ouch- that you will probably not get back. The houses also don't come with closets. Now I know why IKEA sells all those wardrobes.) I now realize  "they are paying to move us" means they are simply shipping our household goods for us.

Writing this all out has made me feel better. Perhaps it's been a downer for you reading it, especially if you read my Facebook post yesterday. But for now this is where I am at. --Stick with me. I promise it will get better and cheerier. Things usually do! 

Very soon I will be back to posting artwork and observations on life in a foreign country. Expect many stories on how I embarrass my 12 year old by sticking out as American. I am sure one day soon I will feel happily contented with life here and that is when God will move us on to another adventure. But for now I will just work on keeping my guard down for a little longer and lean into feeling sad.

Country road in Sembach