Creating New Patterns in 100 Days?

Day 8 of 100

“The stories we tell about ourselves keep us stuck in old patterns.” - Jess lively

Hearing this quote from Jess Lively (one of my fave podcasters) was a big A-HA! moment for me. It is true that what we say about ourselves and the stories that we repeat over and over to other people are the things that end up turning into beliefs and patterns we live out daily.

There are many things I say to and about myself that are unflattering and self-deprecating. I also repeat old stories to be funny or to fit in with whoever I am talking to. There are plenty of stories that don’t feel like they “fit" me anymore but if needed I can still rehash them over and over.

There are also the things I say about myself like "Don’t ask me to figure that out, I am bad with math" or “Don’t tell me, I can’t remember anything”. Or "I am too old, too cheap, too whatever" - These insidious little statements may seem like nothing but repeated over and over without examination become part of your persona like it or not.

Recently, during a musical I worked on, one of the actors kept telling everyone how he broke everything he touched and he shouldn’t be trusted to carry anything. For the record, he did not break anything during our run but with those sort of statements he will be remembered as a person who breaks things. Even though he did a great job in the musical he lessened his own self-worth by repeatedly telling that story about himself.

For a few years now, I have tried to be more conscious about what I say about myself in front of other people. I try not to repeat stories to others that portray me in a negative fashion or doing something I’ve out grown. I don’t like defining my self by titles or descriptions and I try not to do that to others. I am conscious of self-criticism in front of my girls. I don’t bash my weight or my hair but I do realize that I talk a lot about looking old and not remembering way more than I should and I cringe every time I catch myself repeating some old story that does not ring true just to fit in with whoever I am talking to. I still have work to do.

One definition of the word pattern is a model or guide for making something. You use a pattern to make the same dress over and over again. You use a pattern stencil because you want the same shape repeated over and over again. The more patterns we act out in life the more we just repeat the same results over and over again. I, for one, am tired of a lot of the patterns I have been living out for the past 30 years. How can I grow or get new results when I am just repeating the same old patterns?

To change a pattern or a habit you have to be intentional and conscious about what you say and do –therein lies the difficulty. I will be the first to admit that I live most hours of my day unconscious and unintentionally reacting to whatever is happening at the moment.

I am not sure how I can quickly change that but I do know that since I've tried to be more conscious of what I say about myself and the stories I tell I have been writing some new patterns. Maybe awareness is the way to consciousness? I’m still trying to figure that one out! But I do know that we all need to keep creating new patterns because the old ones get outdated.

I wonder, what do you say about yourself? What stories do you continue to tell that should probably be retired? It's definitely something worth examining.

I am hoping this 100 day project will get me into some new patterns of making art and of sharing it. I have already found it to be difficult to fit in my day and I am only on day 8! Oh well, only 92 more to go…

Below are some of the quotes and illustrations from days four through 7.

If you are trying to take on something new this year I hope things are going well for you. As always, thank you for reading!

XO Beth

Day 7/100

Day 6/100

Day 5/100

Day 4/100

Mexican Loteria - Virgin of Guadalupe

Recently I did a series of Mixed Media paintings based on Lotería Mexicana cards. Lotería Mexicana is a brightly colored game that is similar to Bingo. I fell in love with the cards years ago after seeing them in a store. I was smitten by their bright colors and simple pictures. I started painting them because I wanted a giant lotería card to hang in my house.

In the game, when a card is drawn the image is called out by using a riddle instead of the name on the card. I’ve included the Spanish riddle with the paintings. These paintings are an update or a re-imagining of the original cards. I plan to post about them here. The first painting is a play on the “La Dama” card.

Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe “Our Lady of Guadalupe” mixed media, Beth Dougherty

“Puliendo el paso, por toda la calle real.” (Polishing as she steps, all along the royal streets.)

Arguably, the Virgin of Guadalupe could be the national symbol of Mexico. 

In 1531 the Virgin Mary appeared to Juan Diego outside of Mexico City and asked for him to build a church. The story goes that the bishop demanded a sign before he would approve construction of a church. Mary appeared a second time to Juan Diego and ordered him to collect roses. In a second audience with the bishop, Juan Diego opened his cloak, letting dozens of roses fall to the floor and revealing the image of Mary imprinted on the inside of the cloak. That image is now venerated in the Basilica of Guadalupe.

Below are a few details from the painting.  

Detail of Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe “Our Lady of Guadalupe” mixed media, Beth Dougherty

Detail of Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe “Our Lady of Guadalupe” mixed media, Beth Dougherty

Detail of Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe “Our Lady of Guadalupe” mixed media, Beth Dougherty

Detail of Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe “Our Lady of Guadalupe” mixed media, Beth Dougherty

Thank you for reading! 

Beth

The original “La Dama” card. 

Looking for Peace? Try Surrender

This month I am following along with Oprah’s podcast version of Super Soul Sunday. She and Eckhart Tolle are discussing his book “A New Earth” chapter by chapter. I have had so many wonderful moments of clarity rereading this book. Today I really understood surrender and peace.

Many years ago when I had younger children and did a lot of volunteering at their school and at church I was often tired, busy and dissatisfied. One afternoon while driving home from a painting class I was taking, I clearly heard the word “surrender.” It was not Morgan Freeman but it was commanding enough that I immediately began sobbing as I was driving. I knew that the word meant for me to surrender all the busyness, fear, doubt - surrender it all and paint.

At that time in my life I was pretty conflicted. I was in deep with all my volunteer commitments. My children needed my hands on attention and I was not yet ready to surrender and paint. That message, along with many others through the years, has haunted me. Even as I tried to push those feelings and urges down, always in the back of my head there is some part of me that knows I will never be happy until I surrender.

Since my double-hip replacement in January, I have been forced to slow down and surrender to my recovery. The hip replacement has given me the luxury of slowing down and taking more personal time for things other than errands. This morning was day two of breaking out the oil paints (after nine months of part-time art journaling) and getting back into a routine.

I did not know what I was going to paint or even if I had a spare canvas. I just knew I needed to paint. Luckily, I found an old half painted canvas, a reference photo and I went to town. It didn’t take long but when I was finished I sat back and felt at peace.

This reminded me of what I have been reading in “A New Earth.” In chapter two Eckhart Tolle references resistance as an inner contraction, a state of being closed up. When you are in that state nothing good can come to you. When you open up and surrender a new dimension of consciousness opens up. Instead of closing yourself off and fighting against life you will be in alignment with that creative intelligence that animates the universe. He says “you will rest in the peace and stillness that comes with surrender, you rest in God.”

This also brings to mind Steven Pressfield’s book “The War of Art.” He describes overcoming resistance and surrendering to your inner urge to create like slaying a dragon –everyday. After you slay the dragon there is peace in the kingdom but each day brings a new dragon.

Today after I finished my little rooster painting I had that wonderful feeling of peace. Jesus described it as the peace that passes all understanding. I know it won’t last but each day that I choose to surrender to my art I know that I will be rewarded with peace.

Peace is a powerful reason to do something. More powerful and meaningful than Instagram likes, followers, or a vague dream of making money. Those are the outward, ego demands we put on the ephemeral process of making art.

Tomorrow is another opportunity to practice surrendering again. I will try it, how about you? What brings you peace? Do you have something in your life that calls you to surrender to it? It doesn’t have to be painting or anything related to art. The Creative Intelligence that animates this world operates in endless ways.

Beth

Parents Rejoice - School's In...Peace of Mind Is Restored

Here I sit in limbo. I'm back in my studio surrounded by stacks of finished paintings and half finished pieces that are also in limbo, forgotten still life set-ups I could never make interesting and a pile of junk that has slowly accumulated all summer because there was no place else for it to go. 

This happens every year. At some point my steady creative output stops. Usually it coincides with summer and the kids getting out of school. That long relished break from schedules and committments turns into something else. I always have good intentions, I am going to keep a sketchbook or something like that but I usually end up literally closing the door (the studio door) on that part of my life.  

Then every year about the end of August I feel crazy and totally off center. It is always comes out of the blue and is always a mystery to me. I can't wait for school to start again so I can have time alone to think. The excitement of May and June quickly turns into the despair and depression of late August.  

It happens every year and yet I somehow forget. Then it dawns on me, just like its the first time - "Oh! Its the work! Life is not dramatic and melancholy. It's just time to get back to work - back to creating." Then relief sets in, creative plans are made, hope is restored! I'll ease back into my art the same way I'll ease back into exercise and healthy eating! (LOL)

Life has seasons. Nature knows this and takes its break in winter. Somehow, I always forget this important cycle and I am hard on myself. Not only plants but people and ideas need time to take root too.

Just like the rose awakens in March and pushes out its green tendrils, I am waking up after summer. I'm getting ready to put out some tendrils of my own and dreaming of blossoms to come. Now, instead of depression I am excited for this new season!

What do you look forward to in fall? Football? Cooler weather? Do you have new things starting that have been put off all summer too? Let me know by responding to this blog.

Thanks for reading!
Talk to you later,
Beth

another stack of paintings...

Honest Reflection On a Hole in the Street

It's January 4th and I am sitting here doing a mental round-up of the past year and contemplating my goals for the future.  

I have been putting off this self-reflection because the (depressing) truth is that there might have been small changes this year and years past but really, I am still in the same place in my art life that I have been for years. Essentially, I have a pattern of one step forward and two to three steps back. I have good intentions but how is it - without making too many excuses- that I find myself in almost the same place I've always been at?

What makes me uncomfortable to admit is that though my intentions are good or the vague goals I set are good, I am actually just living out a series of habituated, auto-pilot behaviors. 

This year I did paint a lot more, I did sell more paintings (18) and I posted more. But, I did not sustain it and I allowed my usual insecurities about money and worthiness to get in the way of painting, selling, posting and enjoying it even more. 

I used to say frequently to myself "I don't want to be 60 years old and still complaining that I don't have time to do "my" art." It occurred to me in this time of contemplation that 60 years old is only 14 years away!! (Gulp) What am I waiting on to really get this off the ground and accomplish the things I want to? I am not content to keep going in the same way that I have been, because inside I am unsettled and know I could be doing more. I don't want to regret all the ideas and pictures in my head that I am not allowing to come to life because of fear or complacency. 

I think what is really at the heart of it all is that I don't truly, down deep inside, believe it is available to me. I don't believe that having this life of my dreams (successful, money making artist and teacher) is an option. I could try to figure out why I feel that way and go over all the possible reasons but that does not change anything and only makes me think that negative thought even more. Instead of reinforcing that belief I need to change it. If a belief is just a thought you think over and over again, I need to reprogram myself with some new beliefs.

This poem by Portia Nelson sums things up beautifully:

THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

I think I am teetering between chapters four and five. I am at the corner, I see the hole. I am standing here biting my nails, looking at the hole and also trying to see down the other street. The other street's view is obstructed so I don't exactly know what is down there. That's what makes taking it so scary and why I am hesitating about which way to go.

Can I live consciously in a way that will take me out of auto-pilot and down a brand new street?
Do I have the courage to try and live the joyful life I want?

All it requires is one step, but in which direction?

What are you contemplating for the new year? Leave me a comment and we'll talk!
Wishing you a lovely 2018,
Beth

New School Year, Second Chance

I don't know about you but I always feel like the beginning of the school year is my chance to revisit and re-energize all those New Year's resolutions I made last January and have slowly let go of. I did not totally drop the ball but it is hard to focus on your to-do list when you have kids on summer vacation, wonderful family visitors and all the good beer and weather of a German summer.

Summer play time also brings good ideas. I visited a lot of beautiful places this summer, some famous and some not. All those images in my brain have to go somewhere - hopefully they will show up on a canvas this winter. 

My obsession with painting chickens is slowing down as I prepare for the next series I have in mind. It is going to be a lot more complicated than what I currently paint so I am summoning the courage to actually do it and not keep putting it off (it combines portraits and birds).

This year I also need to focus on actually selling artwork!
I imagine a lot of artists have this goal. I plan to research online marketing, ramp up social media and basically market myself which is really scary to an introvert like me. This month I am showing all my chicken paintings in the local library on Vogelweh Base here in Germany - which is a start in the right direction.

Next up - paint, paint, paint!

As I ease back into regular blog posts, here are a few art related posts from the summer.

Please leave a comment and let me know: How was your summer? What are you hoping to get done this fall?

Until next time,
Beth :-)

The beginning of yet another chicken... 

This little watercolor sketch was from the pool. Can you see the man that was in front of me? 

Giant tile mosaic in the Paris metro. 

A Glossary of Chickens

A Glossary of Chickens
There should be a word for the way
they look with just one eye, neck bent,
for beetle or worm or strewn grain.
"Gleaning," maybe, between "gizzard"
and "grit." And for the way they run
toward someone they trust, their skirts
hiked, their plump bodies wobbling:
"bobbling," let's call it, inserted
after "blowout" and before "brood."
There should be terms, too, for things
they do not do –like urinate or chew– 
but perhaps there already are. 
I'd want a word for the way they drink, 
head thrown back, throat wriggling,
like an old woman swallowing
a pill; a word beginning with S,
coming after 'sex feather" and before "shank."
And one for the sweetness of hens
but not roosters. We think
that by naming we can understand,
as if the tongue were more than a muscle.
- Gary J. Whitehead

I found this poem in a book of the same name. The book was in a box full of free stuff outside of a neighbors house. When I saw the title I knew I had found a treasure. I love chickens as I do all animals and like to believe they have personalities and thoughts just like people do. That may sound crazy, and yes, I do like to dress my pets up on occasion. (But that's pretty common, right?)

I like the last two lines of the poem. Perhaps by naming we are trying to understand, by painting we are trying to understand as well. I am not sure if we really do though. Maybe our brain like our tongue is really a muscle and not as capable as we think.

I recently went on a tear painting chickens. I thought of the series more like chicken portraits. I imagined grand lives and personality traits for each one I painted. Most of them are proud, one of them is gentle, one is really pissed off and one is inquisitive but really scared. Can you guess which is which? Here they are collected below. I hope you like them. There are definitely more to come...

Plymouth Rock Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas PURCHASE HERE

Blissed Out Chick, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE 

Sacred Heart Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas,   PURCHASE HERE

Black Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

El Jefe, 16" x16", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

El Jefe's Family Portrait Series, Part 1 of 3 "El Jefe", 12" x 8"   PURCHASE HERE

El Jefe's Family Portrait Series, 27" x 12"   PURCHASE HERE

Cheeky, 8" x 8", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

Tan Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

Plymouth Rock Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

If you liked these chickens leave a comment or buy a painting!

Talk to you later!

Beth

Relax, You'll Be A Great Success?

How do you define success?

Today  on Lewis Howes' School of Greatness podcast, I was inspired by his guest, graffiti artist Eric Wahl to really examine my idea of success. Eric Wahl said that after financial ruin at age 30 he decided to redefine success by things like having a nice dinner with his family. That made me think, how do I define success?

Without really examining it, I define success like I think most people do. Success is appreciation and financial reward for my hard work. And sometime in the future, when I have achieved a certain financial sweet spot... I will be successful. Then what? What does that really mean? What will I do when I reach that magical state of success? Well, for me when I dig down deeper and really think about it, it means I get to exhale and relax. You have earned it, you have nothing to prove - relax.

This may come as a surprise but I don't think I have relaxed since I left college. On the outside it might have looked that way but believe me on the inside I was making a list of what I should have been doing instead or what I would do when I finished "relaxing." My wistful college memories are not of crazy animal-house style frat parties but of long, languid afternoons laying around watching soap operas. (How many men Erica Kane, How many men?)

Success is a tricky thing - its tightly tied to our self worth. I think that was really at the heart of all the volunteering I did in my 30's. If I do X and it is successful it will make me feel good about myself. That raises my self worth and then guess what? I get to take a break because I deserve it. I can be easy on myself - Thank God, because I am really exhausted!

Unfortunately the formula of overachievement = self worth = success does not bring what you desire anymore than equating success to some undefined future goal you cling to. I am not saying success is bad or unworthy. I am not saying that volunteering is bad or having goals is wrong. What I am getting at is the WHY and the WHAT of your success.

When you know what the real WHAT is behind your goal or success then you can align with the WHY. Then all of a sudden you are where you really want to be and doing something you want to do on purpose. Your action is aligned with the right energy.

When I clear away all the outward shiny pennies of success like a nice house, nice clothes, fabulous vacations, etc. what it really represents at the core is the feeling of security in which I can let my guard down and just relax. I can enjoy the moment with out pressuring myself to do something I'm not really inspired to do.  The irony of the situation is that I do not have to achieve success or do anything or be anything other than in the present moment to feel relaxed! My real end goal is already here, I just have to let myself check into it. I have been spending all these years slogging from point A to B but really there is only one point and I am already there, I just need to realize it. There is no worthiness to prove, no amount of money or volunteering will make me more deserving. There is only one thing to do, grant my self permission to do what I want instead of making the story about some pie-in-the-sky hard journey to success. 

I will now say no big deal, time to relax a bit. "Yes kids, I can watch a movie with you." "Sure Doug, let's enjoy a drink on the patio."

When you give yourself permission to live the WANT or the success how does that change the WHY? Because, then you are doing whatever you are doing from a place of purpose and love. Instead of being tired and "having" to push to make dinner or push to drive to gymnastics, you're energized to make dinner because it will taste good. You clean the house because it feels good to be organized. You drive to gymnastics excited about reading your book there. The work you do and the volunteering you do come out of love for either the cause or what your paycheck helps you enjoy in your life. See the difference? It feels better and paradoxically gets better results.

What is your definition of success? Push beyond the boat or the Benz and and ask what success really looks like for you. Is it out there in the distant future or is it something you could start to bring into your life, at least a little bit, right now?

Maybe you have this all figured out already and are pursuing your bliss. I hope you do. For me, I am just gonna go try and relax a little.

Thanks for reading! If you have time, listen to the podcast link above.
See you next week.

Beth

Complementary Chick, 7" x 9.5", oil on canvas. Available soon at my ETSY shop.

Dear Beginning Artist

C.S. Lewis — "Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn."

Dear Beginning Artist:
Here's the one thing that has taught me more about painting than anything else: Paint every day. Those three little words are enough to strike fear in the hearts of every art student cradling those fragile dreams of success. It's advice given by every art teacher - but to take it you must surrender to your craft.

I, like many of my fellow students, loved making art but only did it in those few hours a week of class. There are amazing artists that have been taking classes for years because paying for an art class is the only way they would let themselves make art. For fifteen long years I took classes, made art off and on and stuffed a lot of those dreams of an art career down below everything else. I could blame a lot of things but really it was, as Steven Pressfield puts it in his book "The War of Art", Resistance that was the culprit. 

It is said, the thing you resist persists. Thank God that is true! In the 25 plus years I have been personally putting up some form of resitance the desire has persisted. Our move to Germany literally gave me the freedom to make some sort of art everyday. And I discovered, just like all those fine art teachers told me, painting everyday has been my greatest teacher. 

Larry Bird practiced free throws, 300+ a day.

Chef Greg Mindell said it took him baking over 1,000 croissants before he started to understand it.

Researcher K. Anderson Ericsson came up with the theory that elite performers have practiced 10,000 hours. That equals roughly practicing everyday for 7 years.

How do you master your chosen craft? To give something seven years you must love it. Once you give yourself permission to do what makes your heart sing, do it over and over again! So simple its hard to get!

Practice makes perfect

Reflection on a Month of Painting

Well January has come to a close and I think I did pretty well on my attempt at consistent daily painting. I did not paint every day of January (I knew I would not paint when friends were in town) but I came pretty close. 

I painted 23 out of 31 days. I finished 16 paintings. I started two canvases that are still in progress. I sold two paintings from the month without even pushing it. (Thank You Collectors!) I listened to hours and hours of podcasts! All in all, I think it was a pretty successful challenge. 

What was the most important thing I learned from this foray into daily painting? That for better or worse the more I paint, the more I want to paint! Painting (of any kind) is the place I find my bliss. Its the place my soul finds restoration and my spirit's vibration is raised. I go into my studio at 9:00 and before I can blink its almost 4:00pm, my kids are coming home and my painting day is over.
The interesting thing is, in the past I have always thought "finding the time" would be the hard thing about making a commitment to my creativity. Once I made the mental commitment that I would be spending some portion of most of my days painting, everything just some how fell into line. Sort of the same way you know that every day you will eat dinner and plan accordingly for that. 

January is done and there are still 11 months left in 2017. I will not say I am going to paint everyday because some days are for museums, exploring the world and filling your creative well in other ways. But, now that I have pledged to my art my most valuable asset (my time) and see that it is not daunting but in fact liberating, I have no plans to slow down!

Question: 
Is there an activity you do that makes time stand still and leaves you in a state of bliss?
If not, can you commit to exploring what it could be?
If there is, can you do it more often?

Let me know! I want to hear what it is for you.

My last six painting days were spent on this still life. "Tomatoes" 12" x 30", oil on canvas. 

Pomegranates and Sunsets

Lately, I have seen so many beautiful sunsets. I have risked my life trying to get my iPhone out to take a picture of them while driving in the car. (Do not tell my husband, he does not want to know that!) My kids make fun of how I babble about all the oranges, salmons, pinks, purples and blues. My youngest even took a stealth video of me going on and on about the sky one evening. Have you ever seen the double rainbow video on YouTube? It was almost like that.

One of my favorite artist, 18th century Spanish painter Louise Melendez, combined his still-lifes with dramatic backgrounds. He would often throw in a sunset or pretentious landscape behind his melons and the effect was stunning. I thought I would try the same with my little still life painting today.

Pomegranates are not only beautiful but symbolic. They symbolize fertility and abundance because of their multitude of hidden seeds. Jews eat their 613 seeds on Rosh Hashanah, Muslims place them in the Garden of Paradise, Persephone was tricked into eating pomegranate seeds and had to stay in the underworld with Hades, Turkish people crack them on NewYears's and according to Wikipedia the pomegranate is the symbol of Armenia.  (Really, why are people not painting more pomegranates?)

Aw Chesnuts!

Today's daily Painting is Chesnuts. Europeans seem to love them. They have been in the grocery stores since the fall and you can always find them roasted downtown.

My memory of chestnuts is from my childhood in SC. My aunts had a huge chestnut tree. I don't remember ever eating the Chesnuts but the husks were always laying around the yard sharp and spiky, ready to stab your feet through your shoes. Summertime was especially treacherous.

Chestnuts are beautiful, if you really look at them. Wonderful tones of brown and umber, it does make you want to roast them up or put them in your stuffing. I found these two on the sidewalk but after painting them, I think I am intrigued enough to buy a bag at the store.

Detail of brushwork. 

Monday Morning Fear Check...

I am in a lucky place in my life right now. I have no crazy obligations and my husband is not screaming at me to get a part time job. I really have all day to paint, I just have to do it. 

Yet again, I feel I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I can step into my dreams, into my joy- yet I hesitate. When I say it aloud logically it's not a monumental or scary thing. Leap, create, paint, do what you have been saying you always wanted to do. Emotionally, as I sit here and contemplate painting or making art, that old fear rises and my stomach feels queasy. 

"Committ, to you my love? "

I know who's here, it's my old nemesis Resistance. It's been beating me for 25 years, always coming up with a cunning excuse or new argument for why it's stupid to chase my dreams. All I can do is take it day by day like an alcoholic. God grant me the courage to create today- to slap resistance off my back.

Maybe that is why  "artist" seems to be a negative archetype. The daily inner battle of resistance and fear - so I repeat my mantra: 

I love myself... I love myself... I love myself... l love...

love...

Sing in Me O Muse

Right now I am feeling thankful that I have this time to work in my studio and get connected back to my spirit and my art.

My usual M.O. Would be to rush into some crazy job or volunteer opportunity to create self worth. But instead of panicking, I am going to trust that my highest hope for myself and God's will for me are in alignment. My path (career or otherwise) is unfolding and I need to trust not panic.

Yesterday, I sat with my thoughts and called in the muse. Above is a picture of her surrounded by symbols of where I am and want to go creatively. She is colorful and bold - just what I hoped to call in.

"Sing in me O Muse, and through me tell the story." -a rough translation of Homer's invocation to the Muse. 

What are you thankful for today? Are you going to trust your spirit or panic?

My New Adventure

This week I started a five week odyssey as an elementary school art teacher, well, the long-term substitute anyway. Our regular art teacher is on maternity leave and she left some pretty big shoes to fill. 

Its been a fun week with only a few incidents... 

One awesome thing about kids and art: the younger they are the more creatively free they are. Children are so bold, decisive and liberal about their colors and their compositions. Kiddos are all about the process and what looks and feels good in the moment.

Unfortunately, I can see a lot of the older kids (4th and 5th graders) are starting to care more about their final product and less about the process.  

When their final product does not exactly match the picture in their mind, some of them get upset, melt down and give up. 

A lesson learned for everyone (especially aspiring artists)  *Don't skip ahead and fixate on the final product. Respect the process - focus on the process - enjoy the process! *Applies to all activities.

Living in the moment, minute by minute, that's how I'll make it through the rest of the year. Trying to appreciate each kid and where they are in each moment. 

Week one? So far so good!

p.s. I get it Mom, a full week of teaching art doesn't leave a lot of energy for personal art. 

Painting a flower garden. 

1st Grade work. 

Petunia the duck, thank you #deepspacesparkle #petunia

Boxes of poems to plant in the park. 

Pattern Hunting at the National Gallery of Art

One of the things I love about living in Washington, DC is going to the National Gallery of Art. When people think of free museums they usually think of the Smithsonian museums on the mall. But DC has three free art museums; The National Gallery of Art (NGA), The Hirschhorn, and the Smithsonian American Art Museum & Portrait Gallery.

I think one of the best ways to learn to draw is to copy a painting or sculpture.  As a practice I try to get to a museum about once a week (if I am lucky). The NGA never disappoints me! I can always find a painting by a famous artist I never noticed before or discover something new in a painting I've seen a million times. Now that the NGA is rotating some of their art, presumably to make room for their acquisitions from the Corcoran (that is another discussion), there are more new things to see.

Recently, I made a trip to the NGA to collect patterns. Instead of picking a painting to study and draw, I decided to look at paintings and find patterns I could use for inspiration in one of my own paintings. Here is a small sample of what I found.

detail of "Odalisque Seated with Arms Raised" by Henri Matisse

Matisse may very well be the master of pattern and color. He can take the simple and make it sublime...

detail of cloth in Auguste Renoir's "Odalisque"

detail of dress hem in John Singleton Copley's "The Copley Family"

The curls on this sculpture almost look like octopus tendrils.

The pattern on this skirt is beautifully painted. You can tell by the hands it's a Sargent...
detail of John Singer Sargent's "Repose"

This modern looking painting is actually a Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, painted on cardboard.  The skirt, the fence and shirt are all full of simplified marks. 

If you live in DC and want to go to the museum to draw... send me an email. We'll make an afternoon of it!

It's never too late to make good on a resolution...

...It's never too late to make a resolution for the new year
- even if it is February 2nd!

I could not believe it when I looked at the date on the last blog post. - November 13th? It’s been three months since I declared to say YES to more art time for myself.

It has not all been a bust. Art has been made. Time has been well used and wasted. There have been many Yes’s and No’s. I have just not shared it all publicly.

When I started this website and this art journal I had the goal of sharing my art and sharing some of my struggles and triumphs with whoever might stumble upon this site. I quickly found out that making art was much easier that writing a blog post. 

I tried to tell myself that I was too old and that blogging was for people younger than me. The younger generations have no problem baring their souls. Of course that is not true, age is only an excuse. I also tried to tell myself that I was avoiding it because I was afraid of failure. If I wrote a blog or put myself out there I would be opening myself up to failure and could I handle that? Of course that was not true either, generally, I have the optimism of Scarlett O’Hara.

What is true is this: I have not written a blog post in three months or promoted my art as much as I should have because I have been afraid to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is hard!  

Being vulnerable means I open myself up to the possibility that you may not like me, my art or what I have to say.

Being vulnerable means I take off the layer of protection I wear. When you draw attention to yourself you loose the safety of the herd. That is why it takes courage.

 Being vulnerable looks like me putting myself out there, creating art, talking about my struggles, fears and triumphs and saying “Hey, I did this.” 

This year I resolve to be courageous by allowing my armor to drop and to be more vulnerable.  I resolve to blog at least once a week and post my other artistic endeavors on Facebook and Instagram when they happen. I resolve to list all my paintings that are for sale on Etsy or some other marketplace. 

If I am not willing to do that, I need to pack up my paints and go home! 
Geesh, I hope this gets easier...

 

Thanks to Brene Brown for The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly.

Marie Antoinette may have gotten a bad rap...

This week has been fabulous! Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I painted all day. I even managed to paint a little after getting the kiddos into bed on Wednesday night too.
I have to admit that just three days of creative endeavors has totally lightened my soul. Sounds dramatic but I mean it! I feel light and I don't have that low-level nagging guilt taking up air space in the back of my brain. 
Do some people really live life like this? Not having something hanging over them or having the feeling that they are wasting time on activities their choosing simply because they "should?"

Please Beth, remember this feeling next time you are racing off to some volunteer activity!
Hmmm, what will tomorrow bring?

I AM an artist! No really...

Hello and nice to meet you!

My name is Beth. I am a working artist living in DC. This blog is is my record of attempting to live an ARTful life.

I am declaring once and for all (after years of denial, resistance, babies and busyness) I Beth Dougherty am committing to the CREATIVE LIFE!

What does that mean? What does that look like? I have no idea!

But - I invite you to journey with me as I try to figure that out.

I plan to figure it out by painting, drawing, collaging and journaling daily (or almost daily). If I am not able to get into the studio I plan to live out this ideal by being more mindful and creative in all other areas of my life. By "creative" I mean actually creating things like; meals from scratch, gardening, writing, sewing, etc. I plan to live with more meaning, purpose and passion instead of just coasting robotically through life.

This blog is my manifesto, my intention and my way to hold myself accountable.

Maybe you have a similar story to mine.

I have been an artist all my life. I think we are all born creative. A few of us stay that way but most of us don't. Many times, as an artist, I feel like it is either feast or famine. I have had super productive periods of life followed up by times of producing zilch. (One famine even lasted about 10 years) Sometimes you find yourself totally uninspired and doing nothing. Sometimes you are just afraid (so you do absolutely anything you can to distract yourself from that looming space you call your studio). Sometimes you are rolling along so great you don't know how you ever survived a day without painting.

The challenge is: how do you go from patterns of feast and famine to something that looks more like a sustainable "9 to 5" job? The pursuit of the creative life is what is most authentic for me. I hope I can do it!