Parents Rejoice - School's In...Peace of Mind Is Restored

Here I sit in limbo. I'm back in my studio surrounded by stacks of finished paintings and half finished pieces that are also in limbo, forgotten still life set-ups I could never make interesting and a pile of junk that has slowly accumulated all summer because there was no place else for it to go. 

This happens every year. At some point my steady creative output stops. Usually it coincides with summer and the kids getting out of school. That long relished break from schedules and committments turns into something else. I always have good intentions, I am going to keep a sketchbook or something like that but I usually end up literally closing the door (the studio door) on that part of my life.  

Then every year about the end of August I feel crazy and totally off center. It is always comes out of the blue and is always a mystery to me. I can't wait for school to start again so I can have time alone to think. The excitement of May and June quickly turns into the despair and depression of late August.  

It happens every year and yet I somehow forget. Then it dawns on me, just like its the first time - "Oh! Its the work! Life is not dramatic and melancholy. It's just time to get back to work - back to creating." Then relief sets in, creative plans are made, hope is restored! I'll ease back into my art the same way I'll ease back into exercise and healthy eating! (LOL)

Life has seasons. Nature knows this and takes its break in winter. Somehow, I always forget this important cycle and I am hard on myself. Not only plants but people and ideas need time to take root too.

Just like the rose awakens in March and pushes out its green tendrils, I am waking up after summer. I'm getting ready to put out some tendrils of my own and dreaming of blossoms to come. Now, instead of depression I am excited for this new season!

What do you look forward to in fall? Football? Cooler weather? Do you have new things starting that have been put off all summer too? Let me know by responding to this blog.

Thanks for reading!
Talk to you later,
Beth

another stack of paintings...

Future-Thinking is Keeping You in the Past

I am a chronic future-thinker. Perhaps you are too? Future-thinking means always looking to get or do things in that elusive future date.

A general example is "When I make more money I will take that class or that trip I have always wanted to." Some things I always say to myself are "When I am finally painting and making money from my art work I will buy those bigger canvases I need for that series." or "When I have painted longer and sold more THEN I will explore how to lead a workshop." or my favorite go to "When I am selling paintings and making money I will finally stop feeling guilty for not having a real job."

The fault of the future-thinking premise is that of course there will never be a future in that sense. There is only the present moment. The present moment is where we actually operate from and make decisions that affect our "future." Future-thinking is actually thinking motivated by scarcity and feeling that you don't deserve something because you are telling yourself that whatever you want you don't have but hope to in the future. Again, it's never the future, its always the present moment. So you never actually get what your future-thinking self wants. Confusing, huh?

To make a mental shift we have to realize that we already are whatever it is that we want. We have to make decisions from that place instead of the future. 

Example: "I am going to configure my budget (or get on a budget) so I can take that class or trip I want to.",   "I am going to buy bigger canvases for the painting series I am doing because it will help my goals as an artist." or "I am going to explore leading an art workshop because I am a painter." or "Painting is my real job and the more I do it the more successful I become."

Rewording the future-thinking makes me feel better immediately! Try it yourself by filling in your own blanks:
"I am going to ________ because I am _______" or
"I am going to _________ because it makes me feel __________."
"I am exploring _____________ now because it will be fun."

Personally, I am working on getting out of the habit of future thinking. We can't put off our happiness and yearnings to retirement or when the kids get older or when you lose 20 pounds. We are worthy of what we want now simply because we choose it. What are you choosing today?

Do you fall prone to future-thinking too?
Leave me a comment and let's talk.

Until next time,
Beth

Honest Reflection On a Hole in the Street

It's January 4th and I am sitting here doing a mental round-up of the past year and contemplating my goals for the future.  

I have been putting off this self-reflection because the (depressing) truth is that there might have been small changes this year and years past but really, I am still in the same place in my art life that I have been for years. Essentially, I have a pattern of one step forward and two to three steps back. I have good intentions but how is it - without making too many excuses- that I find myself in almost the same place I've always been at?

What makes me uncomfortable to admit is that though my intentions are good or the vague goals I set are good, I am actually just living out a series of habituated, auto-pilot behaviors. 

This year I did paint a lot more, I did sell more paintings (18) and I posted more. But, I did not sustain it and I allowed my usual insecurities about money and worthiness to get in the way of painting, selling, posting and enjoying it even more. 

I used to say frequently to myself "I don't want to be 60 years old and still complaining that I don't have time to do "my" art." It occurred to me in this time of contemplation that 60 years old is only 14 years away!! (Gulp) What am I waiting on to really get this off the ground and accomplish the things I want to? I am not content to keep going in the same way that I have been, because inside I am unsettled and know I could be doing more. I don't want to regret all the ideas and pictures in my head that I am not allowing to come to life because of fear or complacency. 

I think what is really at the heart of it all is that I don't truly, down deep inside, believe it is available to me. I don't believe that having this life of my dreams (successful, money making artist and teacher) is an option. I could try to figure out why I feel that way and go over all the possible reasons but that does not change anything and only makes me think that negative thought even more. Instead of reinforcing that belief I need to change it. If a belief is just a thought you think over and over again, I need to reprogram myself with some new beliefs.

This poem by Portia Nelson sums things up beautifully:

THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

I think I am teetering between chapters four and five. I am at the corner, I see the hole. I am standing here biting my nails, looking at the hole and also trying to see down the other street. The other street's view is obstructed so I don't exactly know what is down there. That's what makes taking it so scary and why I am hesitating about which way to go.

Can I live consciously in a way that will take me out of auto-pilot and down a brand new street?
Do I have the courage to try and live the joyful life I want?

All it requires is one step, but in which direction?

What are you contemplating for the new year? Leave me a comment and we'll talk!
Wishing you a lovely 2018,
Beth

A Glossary of Chickens

A Glossary of Chickens
There should be a word for the way
they look with just one eye, neck bent,
for beetle or worm or strewn grain.
"Gleaning," maybe, between "gizzard"
and "grit." And for the way they run
toward someone they trust, their skirts
hiked, their plump bodies wobbling:
"bobbling," let's call it, inserted
after "blowout" and before "brood."
There should be terms, too, for things
they do not do –like urinate or chew– 
but perhaps there already are. 
I'd want a word for the way they drink, 
head thrown back, throat wriggling,
like an old woman swallowing
a pill; a word beginning with S,
coming after 'sex feather" and before "shank."
And one for the sweetness of hens
but not roosters. We think
that by naming we can understand,
as if the tongue were more than a muscle.
- Gary J. Whitehead

I found this poem in a book of the same name. The book was in a box full of free stuff outside of a neighbors house. When I saw the title I knew I had found a treasure. I love chickens as I do all animals and like to believe they have personalities and thoughts just like people do. That may sound crazy, and yes, I do like to dress my pets up on occasion. (But that's pretty common, right?)

I like the last two lines of the poem. Perhaps by naming we are trying to understand, by painting we are trying to understand as well. I am not sure if we really do though. Maybe our brain like our tongue is really a muscle and not as capable as we think.

I recently went on a tear painting chickens. I thought of the series more like chicken portraits. I imagined grand lives and personality traits for each one I painted. Most of them are proud, one of them is gentle, one is really pissed off and one is inquisitive but really scared. Can you guess which is which? Here they are collected below. I hope you like them. There are definitely more to come...

Plymouth Rock Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas PURCHASE HERE

Blissed Out Chick, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE 

Sacred Heart Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas,   PURCHASE HERE

Black Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

El Jefe, 16" x16", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

El Jefe's Family Portrait Series, Part 1 of 3 "El Jefe", 12" x 8"   PURCHASE HERE

El Jefe's Family Portrait Series, 27" x 12"   PURCHASE HERE

Cheeky, 8" x 8", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

Tan Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

Plymouth Rock Rooster, 9.5" x 7", oil on canvas  PURCHASE HERE

If you liked these chickens leave a comment or buy a painting!

Talk to you later!

Beth

Is Your Brain feeling a Little Tired?

This week my brain was tired. Do you ever feel that way? 

Believe it or not, painting is hard work. Yes, it's totally enjoyable, but it is hard work all the same. I have discovered that it takes about four straight hours of staring hard at something and trying to copy the colors and shapes before your brain starts to get tired and yell for caffeine or sugar. (Maybe that is just my brain... some brains probably yell for carrots). This week after painting so many days in a row my brain decided it needed a nap and a little switch up.

Instead of painting I decided to make stencils to use while painting. (art geek)

Everywhere you look there are patterns. Your iPhone makes it easy to record them. If you like playing around with mixed media or if you like playing around with scissors you might want to try and make your own. This would be a fun exercise to do with kids, how can you replicate the world you see around you?

I used a plastic folder with pockets (left over school supplies.) I drew the design on the folder with a sharpie then cut it out. Totally easy and now I have my own stencils.

This is only the beginning of pattern collecting. Tomorrow I'm back to painting! 

Finished stencils. 

Photographic inspiration while walking the dog. 

Balcony railings. 

Not sure what decade this is from... 

The painted stencil. 

Reflection on a Month of Painting

Well January has come to a close and I think I did pretty well on my attempt at consistent daily painting. I did not paint every day of January (I knew I would not paint when friends were in town) but I came pretty close. 

I painted 23 out of 31 days. I finished 16 paintings. I started two canvases that are still in progress. I sold two paintings from the month without even pushing it. (Thank You Collectors!) I listened to hours and hours of podcasts! All in all, I think it was a pretty successful challenge. 

What was the most important thing I learned from this foray into daily painting? That for better or worse the more I paint, the more I want to paint! Painting (of any kind) is the place I find my bliss. Its the place my soul finds restoration and my spirit's vibration is raised. I go into my studio at 9:00 and before I can blink its almost 4:00pm, my kids are coming home and my painting day is over.
The interesting thing is, in the past I have always thought "finding the time" would be the hard thing about making a commitment to my creativity. Once I made the mental commitment that I would be spending some portion of most of my days painting, everything just some how fell into line. Sort of the same way you know that every day you will eat dinner and plan accordingly for that. 

January is done and there are still 11 months left in 2017. I will not say I am going to paint everyday because some days are for museums, exploring the world and filling your creative well in other ways. But, now that I have pledged to my art my most valuable asset (my time) and see that it is not daunting but in fact liberating, I have no plans to slow down!

Question: 
Is there an activity you do that makes time stand still and leaves you in a state of bliss?
If not, can you commit to exploring what it could be?
If there is, can you do it more often?

Let me know! I want to hear what it is for you.

My last six painting days were spent on this still life. "Tomatoes" 12" x 30", oil on canvas. 

Pomegranates and Sunsets

Lately, I have seen so many beautiful sunsets. I have risked my life trying to get my iPhone out to take a picture of them while driving in the car. (Do not tell my husband, he does not want to know that!) My kids make fun of how I babble about all the oranges, salmons, pinks, purples and blues. My youngest even took a stealth video of me going on and on about the sky one evening. Have you ever seen the double rainbow video on YouTube? It was almost like that.

One of my favorite artist, 18th century Spanish painter Louise Melendez, combined his still-lifes with dramatic backgrounds. He would often throw in a sunset or pretentious landscape behind his melons and the effect was stunning. I thought I would try the same with my little still life painting today.

Pomegranates are not only beautiful but symbolic. They symbolize fertility and abundance because of their multitude of hidden seeds. Jews eat their 613 seeds on Rosh Hashanah, Muslims place them in the Garden of Paradise, Persephone was tricked into eating pomegranate seeds and had to stay in the underworld with Hades, Turkish people crack them on NewYears's and according to Wikipedia the pomegranate is the symbol of Armenia.  (Really, why are people not painting more pomegranates?)

Day Three Chilies

This is day four of the 30 paintings in 30 days challenge.

Monday Morning Fear Check...

I am in a lucky place in my life right now. I have no crazy obligations and my husband is not screaming at me to get a part time job. I really have all day to paint, I just have to do it. 

Yet again, I feel I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I can step into my dreams, into my joy- yet I hesitate. When I say it aloud logically it's not a monumental or scary thing. Leap, create, paint, do what you have been saying you always wanted to do. Emotionally, as I sit here and contemplate painting or making art, that old fear rises and my stomach feels queasy. 

"Committ, to you my love? "

I know who's here, it's my old nemesis Resistance. It's been beating me for 25 years, always coming up with a cunning excuse or new argument for why it's stupid to chase my dreams. All I can do is take it day by day like an alcoholic. God grant me the courage to create today- to slap resistance off my back.

Maybe that is why  "artist" seems to be a negative archetype. The daily inner battle of resistance and fear - so I repeat my mantra: 

I love myself... I love myself... I love myself... l love...

love...

Explaining Inspiration

This week I spent a little time exploring a new creative process that turned out to be a blast. I want to share it with you because whether you make art or not, we all have the choice to look at the world around us and see what peaks our interest and create a life that's beautiful.

This process was taught by Tracy Verdugo on Tamara LaPorte's "LifeBook 2016," an online course I have been taking for the past two years. As an artist I am often asked where do I get my inspiration. Usually, I respond with "I don't know" or the equally vague  "life, I guess." But really, inspiration is everywhere - you just have to be willing to pay attention to the details. 

In this process, Tracy teaches students to make inspiration bundles as a creative prompt. The task was to go through 6 or 7 books or papers you have collected and tear out a random image (don't over think it) so that you have a stack of about 7 to 12 pieces of paper. Taking each piece of paper one at a time see what appeals to you and incorporate that into your piece. Below is my finished painting that, in the end,  I was very happy with. BUT - like everything in life - there was a catch...

"Little Details" 9 x 12" mixed media

This is my first image and it is not hard to see where the figure is represented. What WAS hard and what you do not see is that underneath all the layers there was a beautiful, painstakingly  painted re-creation of this woman in black and white. Then I came to my next image and had to  decide what to lose and what to keep. What to paint over and what to incorporate.

In the end it turned out to be a much more interesting painting because of what was kept and lost. That is how I see life. We can try as hard as we can to be something we think we "should" be, to hang on tight to those images and stories we want to tell about ourselves. However, the real beauty is in the details. What we observe, discard and layer. That is how we take our world and create a life that is authentic and worth living.

Each image below is represented in the finished product. Can you spot the inspirational details?

Yes, even a #10 envelope can be inspiring if you really look at it.

Sing in Me O Muse

Right now I am feeling thankful that I have this time to work in my studio and get connected back to my spirit and my art.

My usual M.O. Would be to rush into some crazy job or volunteer opportunity to create self worth. But instead of panicking, I am going to trust that my highest hope for myself and God's will for me are in alignment. My path (career or otherwise) is unfolding and I need to trust not panic.

Yesterday, I sat with my thoughts and called in the muse. Above is a picture of her surrounded by symbols of where I am and want to go creatively. She is colorful and bold - just what I hoped to call in.

"Sing in me O Muse, and through me tell the story." -a rough translation of Homer's invocation to the Muse. 

What are you thankful for today? Are you going to trust your spirit or panic?

My New Adventure

This week I started a five week odyssey as an elementary school art teacher, well, the long-term substitute anyway. Our regular art teacher is on maternity leave and she left some pretty big shoes to fill. 

Its been a fun week with only a few incidents... 

One awesome thing about kids and art: the younger they are the more creatively free they are. Children are so bold, decisive and liberal about their colors and their compositions. Kiddos are all about the process and what looks and feels good in the moment.

Unfortunately, I can see a lot of the older kids (4th and 5th graders) are starting to care more about their final product and less about the process.  

When their final product does not exactly match the picture in their mind, some of them get upset, melt down and give up. 

A lesson learned for everyone (especially aspiring artists)  *Don't skip ahead and fixate on the final product. Respect the process - focus on the process - enjoy the process! *Applies to all activities.

Living in the moment, minute by minute, that's how I'll make it through the rest of the year. Trying to appreciate each kid and where they are in each moment. 

Week one? So far so good!

p.s. I get it Mom, a full week of teaching art doesn't leave a lot of energy for personal art. 

Painting a flower garden. 

1st Grade work. 

Petunia the duck, thank you #deepspacesparkle #petunia

Boxes of poems to plant in the park. 

Weekend Wrap Up

Often times when I get busy I get upset with myself thinking "I did nothing! I frittered away my time and did nothing in the practice of my creativity." But when I look back on the past weekend I think wow, you were busy but it was pretty fun and it was in alignment with your goals. 

I spent all day Saturday crafting a jellyfish costume. if that is not creative, I don't know what is!

Here I am with my daughter on Halloween. 

Sunday saw the completion of a six week Faith & Art class I have been leading. Our final project was a 9 x 12" canvas done in mixed-media. It is a motivational piece for participants to hang in their homes. Everyone did such a great job! Each one different, meaningful and inspiring. Below are just a few of the finished pieces.

"don't forget, you can always do something that moves you forward - clean brushes, write down ideas, look at books, organize, make Halloween costumes, etc. there is always at least one action you can take for your creativity daily!" -Julia Cameron (more or less) 

I AM an artist! No really...

Hello and nice to meet you!

My name is Beth. I am a working artist living in DC. This blog is is my record of attempting to live an ARTful life.

I am declaring once and for all (after years of denial, resistance, babies and busyness) I Beth Dougherty am committing to the CREATIVE LIFE!

What does that mean? What does that look like? I have no idea!

But - I invite you to journey with me as I try to figure that out.

I plan to figure it out by painting, drawing, collaging and journaling daily (or almost daily). If I am not able to get into the studio I plan to live out this ideal by being more mindful and creative in all other areas of my life. By "creative" I mean actually creating things like; meals from scratch, gardening, writing, sewing, etc. I plan to live with more meaning, purpose and passion instead of just coasting robotically through life.

This blog is my manifesto, my intention and my way to hold myself accountable.

Maybe you have a similar story to mine.

I have been an artist all my life. I think we are all born creative. A few of us stay that way but most of us don't. Many times, as an artist, I feel like it is either feast or famine. I have had super productive periods of life followed up by times of producing zilch. (One famine even lasted about 10 years) Sometimes you find yourself totally uninspired and doing nothing. Sometimes you are just afraid (so you do absolutely anything you can to distract yourself from that looming space you call your studio). Sometimes you are rolling along so great you don't know how you ever survived a day without painting.

The challenge is: how do you go from patterns of feast and famine to something that looks more like a sustainable "9 to 5" job? The pursuit of the creative life is what is most authentic for me. I hope I can do it!