View of the painting on the easel- much larger than my usual 9" x 7"
Painted all day today and the time flew by. I painted large scale, quite a change from my small canvases. It was a lot harder but really fun- back at it tomorrow! Yippee! (No sarcasm)
Pomegranate At Sunset, 9.5" x7", oil on canvas
Lately, I have seen so many beautiful sunsets. I have risked my life trying to get my iPhone out to take a picture of them while driving in the car. (Do not tell my husband, he does not want to know that!) My kids make fun of how I babble about all the oranges, salmons, pinks, purples and blues. My youngest even took a stealth video of me going on and on about the sky one evening. Have you ever seen the double rainbow video on YouTube? It was almost like that.
One of my favorite artist, 18th century Spanish painter Louise Melendez, combined his still-lifes with dramatic backgrounds. He would often throw in a sunset or pretentious landscape behind his melons and the effect was stunning. I thought I would try the same with my little still life painting today.
Pomegranates are not only beautiful but symbolic. They symbolize fertility and abundance because of their multitude of hidden seeds. Jews eat their 613 seeds on Rosh Hashanah, Muslims place them in the Garden of Paradise, Persephone was tricked into eating pomegranate seeds and had to stay in the underworld with Hades, Turkish people crack them on NewYears's and according to Wikipedia the pomegranate is the symbol of Armenia. (Really, why are people not painting more pomegranates?)
Little Lemon, 4x6, oil on canvas
Somehow I got off track counting my daily paintings. Today is really day nine. This is a quick study of a lemon. I plan to tone some canvases and set my still life up for tomorrow and hopefully still have time for a nap! Being kinder to my self was also a resolution.
Painting after being scraped down.
Today is the 7th and that means I have painted seven days in row. Huge accomplishment for me. I don't know if I have ever done that before, even at an art workshop. They certainly were not all keepers but with each time you show up at the easel you learn something.
Today I painted a Chinese takeout box. It started out with a lot of potential and ended up looking like amateur night at the local pub. I scraped the painting down and decided it was a marked improvement over the original!
Well intentioned original
Chestnuts, 5x7", oil on panel
Today's daily Painting is Chesnuts. Europeans seem to love them. They have been in the grocery stores since the fall and you can always find them roasted downtown.
My memory of chestnuts is from my childhood in SC. My aunts had a huge chestnut tree. I don't remember ever eating the Chesnuts but the husks were always laying around the yard sharp and spiky, ready to stab your feet through your shoes. Summertime was especially treacherous.
Chestnuts are beautiful, if you really look at them. Wonderful tones of brown and umber, it does make you want to roast them up or put them in your stuffing. I found these two on the sidewalk but after painting them, I think I am intrigued enough to buy a bag at the store.
Detail of brushwork.
Coffe Cup and Chestnuts, oil on canvas
Coffee cup with chestnuts, day 1
Today I did not finish a painting but I had a satisfying start. A satisfying start is enjoying your time while painting and feeling like you are in the flow without being rushed to get to the final product.
I do realize that I painted and repainted many spots that could have been left alone after the first stroke. Tomorrow's goal will be to paint more mindfully and leave each stroke where I paint it.
Chili Peppers, 6x6, oil on canvas
This is day four of the 30 paintings in 30 days challenge.
Four Peppers, 9.5 x 7", oil on canvas
Back to oil painting after about six weeks. I felt a little rusty but anything feels that way when you're not used to it. For example; I am also trying to start the year off right by cooking and eating healthier- that feels weird too!
Best of luck to everyone else out there who is trying to start the year off right. ;-)
Choose Love, 9x12" mixed media
Day two of the painting challenge is in the books! The family and I are lounging around the house and enjoying our last holiday before school and work puts us back into our routines.
We woke up to snow on the ground and things seem to keep getting sleepier from there. (The dog is actually sleeping at my feet as I type this.)
I did manage to sneak into the studio and finish up a project from the online course, Lifebook 2016, that I took this past year. This gal looks a little bit like a gypsy but the message is right. Choose love!
Tomorrow it is back to oil painting after a month of mixed media. I can't wait!
Egret, 11.25 x 14.75", mixed media
"You can't throw a habit out the window, you have to walk it gently down the stairs."
- Mark Twain
Well here it is January 1st. I think I have been secretly waiting for the New Year to get back on track. Yes, the holidays got me a little off base. Resistance was tugging fiercely at my sleeves sometimes even tying my arms down. But now it is past Christmas and New Year's Eve so there are no more excuses.
The New Year is a time to take stock of all the bad habits you have acquired over the year or all the good habits you meant to make but really didn't. Most of the time habits are made totally unconsciously over a long time period so it makes sense that breaking a habit is hard and seems to take forever. Creating good habits has to be done consciously and that makes it seem hard and creep slowly, painfully along - even if its just perception.
Yes, January 1st is here. Its the time to put your money where your mouth is and accomplish all those things you have been meaning to do all year. For me that means blogging more, setting up an email list and Etsy site, eating better, drinking more water and finally starting A Course In Miracles- whew! Those are a lot of good habits to create.
To help me make a serious commitment and start the year off right (because I love goals and resolutions) I signed up for a challenge. During the month of January I will participate in artist Leslie Saeta's 30 in 30 Challenge. Over the next 30 days I will attempt to paint every single day. Sometimes it will be a complete small painting sometimes it might just mean working on a larger piece. The point is to get in the studio every single day and do something creative. That is a big deal for me! I am the queen of three steps forward and two steps back.
January's goal: Each day I will paint something and do a blog post about it.
Three steps forward and two steps back still makes you one step ahead, right? 30 steps is really going in the right direction. Plus, thirty days just might be long enough to make it a habit I won't abandon by February like the gym or my gluten free diet!
I think Mark Twain might agree, thirty days is long enough to walk a habit safely up the stairs and leave it there.
9x12" Mixed media on paper
I am in a lucky place in my life right now. I have no crazy obligations and my husband is not screaming at me to get a part time job. I really have all day to paint, I just have to do it.
Yet again, I feel I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I can step into my dreams, into my joy- yet I hesitate. When I say it aloud logically it's not a monumental or scary thing. Leap, create, paint, do what you have been saying you always wanted to do. Emotionally, as I sit here and contemplate painting or making art, that old fear rises and my stomach feels queasy.
"Committ, to you my love? "
I know who's here, it's my old nemesis Resistance. It's been beating me for 25 years, always coming up with a cunning excuse or new argument for why it's stupid to chase my dreams. All I can do is take it day by day like an alcoholic. God grant me the courage to create today- to slap resistance off my back.
Maybe that is why "artist" seems to be a negative archetype. The daily inner battle of resistance and fear - so I repeat my mantra:
I love myself... I love myself... I love myself... l love...
love...
This week I spent a little time exploring a new creative process that turned out to be a blast. I want to share it with you because whether you make art or not, we all have the choice to look at the world around us and see what peaks our interest and create a life that's beautiful.
This process was taught by Tracy Verdugo on Tamara LaPorte's "LifeBook 2016," an online course I have been taking for the past two years. As an artist I am often asked where do I get my inspiration. Usually, I respond with "I don't know" or the equally vague "life, I guess." But really, inspiration is everywhere - you just have to be willing to pay attention to the details.
In this process, Tracy teaches students to make inspiration bundles as a creative prompt. The task was to go through 6 or 7 books or papers you have collected and tear out a random image (don't over think it) so that you have a stack of about 7 to 12 pieces of paper. Taking each piece of paper one at a time see what appeals to you and incorporate that into your piece. Below is my finished painting that, in the end, I was very happy with. BUT - like everything in life - there was a catch...
"Little Details" 9 x 12" mixed media
This is my first image and it is not hard to see where the figure is represented. What WAS hard and what you do not see is that underneath all the layers there was a beautiful, painstakingly painted re-creation of this woman in black and white. Then I came to my next image and had to decide what to lose and what to keep. What to paint over and what to incorporate.
In the end it turned out to be a much more interesting painting because of what was kept and lost. That is how I see life. We can try as hard as we can to be something we think we "should" be, to hang on tight to those images and stories we want to tell about ourselves. However, the real beauty is in the details. What we observe, discard and layer. That is how we take our world and create a life that is authentic and worth living.
Each image below is represented in the finished product. Can you spot the inspirational details?
Yes, even a #10 envelope can be inspiring if you really look at it.
Lifebook 2016 lesson, Calling In The Muse
Right now I am feeling thankful that I have this time to work in my studio and get connected back to my spirit and my art.
My usual M.O. Would be to rush into some crazy job or volunteer opportunity to create self worth. But instead of panicking, I am going to trust that my highest hope for myself and God's will for me are in alignment. My path (career or otherwise) is unfolding and I need to trust not panic.
Yesterday, I sat with my thoughts and called in the muse. Above is a picture of her surrounded by symbols of where I am and want to go creatively. She is colorful and bold - just what I hoped to call in.
"Sing in me O Muse, and through me tell the story." -a rough translation of Homer's invocation to the Muse.
What are you thankful for today? Are you going to trust your spirit or panic?
"The Drama of Adolescence" - mix media on paper, Beth Dougherty 2016
What is this creative blog becoming?
Lately, it is moving toward a personal journal of reflections. I guess that is what happens when you do not have your art supplies to post about...
This past month I have had really bad hip and neck pain. I have not done yoga regularly since the beginning of summer and decided that I could put it off no longer. (Resistance always kicks my butt!) As I lay there on the floor (no yoga mat) after all the gentle stretching and a lot of movements that involved opening and stretching my throat, I was suddenly flooded with emotion and tears. All these memories flashed in my mind of stupid things I did in high school and college. I felt so bad for the people I hurt back then. To be fair, it was nothing more than the immature dramatics of a 19 or 20 year old girl dating or trying to feel better about herself. I was playing at relationships - playing the part of a soap opera actress!
But, as I lay there starting to beat myself up again, I had a small shift. Something told me to quit thinking about it, forgive, myself and let it go.
How many times have I beat myself up for something that someone else may not even remember? How many times have I tamped down my joy because my sadistic ego throws these memories at me randomly and I beat myself up all over again? How many times? Too many to count. Does that happen to you? Are you sailing along and then you get assaulted with the guilt of some past transgression that in the scheme of life does not even matter anymore? These are the things that eat at my self worth.
BUT today, I had a small shift. Instead of the usual shame spiral, this time I told myself it was okay. If I am going to be open to receiving more love in my life I have to also be open to more self love. "It is okay. Forgive yourself!" I thought. And the tears became a release I could feel in the tension that was melting out of my neck.
Would I beat either of my young daughters up for the next twenty years for some stupid mistake? No, I would say "You were young, you were just learning how to be an adult. Look at you now! Look how far you have come and what a good person you are." So I did myself the same favor this morning. The 45 year old mother in me told the 19 year old child in me to forgive myself and let it go. Then I did.
I also thought about the wrongs that were done to me at that time. I honestly could not feel any anger or harbor any bad feelings toward those people either. They were forgiven long ago. I always knew at the time we were all just doing the best we could do and muddling through adolescence. I am sorry it took me so long to forgive myself for things that I readily forgave in other people. Ahhh! Deep breath, I forgive myself for being young and stupid. I let myself off the hook and I am now officially moving on!
Is that just the way of things? Are we willing to look over things in others that we judge ourselves so harshly by? We could save ourselves so much trouble and hurry the process along for everyone if we just reversed things a bit.
Generosity, forgiveness and love to ourselves first = generosity, forgiveness and love to others!
As they always caution on airplanes, you are supposed to put your oxygen mask on first before you help others. If we did that in life we would probably do a lot less damage to other people - You know– lack of oxygen causes brain damage...
A beautiful day at the cemetery.
Warning: This is a gross generalization, as I have only been to two German cemeteries. If you are okay with that read on, if not, read something else.
The German cemetery is totally different than most US cemeteries I have seen. I get the sense that cemeteries back home are mostly a place where we bury the dead but don't really memorialize them. It's not that we forget about them it's just that we choose to honor their memory in other places. (I know there are exceptions)
Not so here. The two graveyards I have been to were bustling centers. In Kaiserslautern proper, the main cemetery is surrounded by flower shops, tombstone sculptors and bakeries.
I have been by the main cemetery many times. Sitting on a bench at the entrance I am stuck by the people continually coming in to tend the graves, mostly older women. They use water cans and spigots that are located throughout the grounds to water their potted plants, no silk flowers here. Each family plot is carefully swept and raked.
I am not sure what all this says about a culture. What does it mean when you revere the dead so? What does it mean when you don't? Does your life matter less as the generations pass and your grave is forgotten? Of course, the more money you have the bigger your tombstone... Does that mean you were a better person? It makes me wonder what a modern day Saint like Mother Theresa's grave looks like. Is this just another way we chase immortality?
Whatever the meaning, if they all look like this, I would rather walk around in a German cemetery. They are much more interesting.
Asian inspired family plot.
This tombstone includes an all-weather color photo and additional statue.
The happy couple in perpetuity.
A place to tout your accomplishments. Apparently he was a pretty good soccer player.
A snail hanging out on a gravestone.
A store flyer advertising memorial candles.
It's hard to believe that I've been in Germany for about three weeks. In some ways it feels like a very long time. One thing is clear, I am going to have to quit eating like I am on vacation!
As we settle in I have made a few astute observations I thought I would share. (In no particular order).
• In this part of Germany they LOVE Subway sandwich shops. They're everywhere. I guess that freshly baked bread smell is global.
• Germans did not get the memo about smoking. It's like the 1970s over here. There are vending machines on all the street corners and people smoke everywhere.
Hey kid - Get away from there, those things will kill ya!
• The trend of "lobe gauging" or stretching is (literally) huge here. It's not just the kids doing it either. I am not sure why this trend is becoming so mainstream. I can't figure out what people are trying to say with it. Are they claiming some sort of tribal heritage or solidarity with aboriginal cultures or are they saying "I am so rich I can afford the reconstruction surgery, no problem."
If you get bored with your ears you can stretch your nose or your lips.
• The radio does not play edited versions of songs here. I guess the curse words aren't the same. I had no idea some of the kids favorite songs were so dirty. They don't seem to like it when we're riding down the road and I try to reach around to the backseat and cover their ears. I think they're embarrassed or something.
• German houses have no closets. I now get why they sell all those wardrobes at IKEA. Maybe it's my karma for complaining that my previous house had no storage space.
• Rats look the same.
• Squirrels look different. Here they are skinny and red, not an unpleasant change.
Hey little squirrelly...
• The US certainly does not corner the market on obesity. I think it's no secret that a lot of people enjoy their beer and sausage in this region. I believed the stereotype that Europeans were so healthy compared to us Americans. The moral of the story is: invest your money in drug companies that make diabetes meds. Drugs sales are booming everywhere!
Beer and sausage add to Germany's bottom line.
Look for more inane observations later! Also, leave a comment and let me know what you think of these.
Up next, I will share a recent visit to a beautiful cometary and tell you about our new recycling regime.
Auf Weidersehen!
I am finally letting my guard down for the first time since the beginning of July. How is it that Doug always seems to handle these things better? I have been so busy, so many lines on the to do list that I have really not slowed down to think about our situation until now.
I dropped the kids off at their new school and Doug to his new job and then I think my body said enough! I promptly got a sore throat, started feeling feverish and the tears began to roll.
Dont get me wrong, I chose this move. I felt like if I did not do it now I'd never be given another chance for this experience.
See, I've always wanted to live in Europe, Italy to be exact, but really anywhere in Europe. My husband and I both previously applied for jobs here in Germany and things never worked out. This time things worked with lightening fast precision. So fast, in fact, it has almost been unnerving. A God thing for my spiritual friends a freaky coincidence for my non-spiritual.
It's true, I was very, very happy in DC. I loved my home, my friends, my church, my kid's school, my routine. I knew when school started back I would sub a few days a week to help with bills and then the rest of the time I would throw myself into creating art and building my art business. I was very content with that scenario.
But I also realize that is a perfect time for God to expand me or others that find themselves in that situation. I was perfectly happy, that's when I got my big life changer. Not when I wanted it before, when I was more unsettled and trying to force things.
So- here I sit in a temporary house in Sembach, Germany, weepy with a sore throat. Trying to nurse it with hot tea and aspirin. In one hour I will head to the girls school and try not to look like I am upset.
As I write this it's 7:30 am at home. I say a prayer for my friend with the hardest school commute. I am sorry I can't be there to help her this week.
I still have busy work to do (get a German driver's license, Dr. Appointments, etc.) then I suppose I will get a job so we can start paying off this crazy move over here! Let's see, there's the expense of getting the old house up to rental code, the pet's trip over, new car for us here and a new house to live in here. (By the way, German landlords expect three months rent deposit -ouch- that you will probably not get back. The houses also don't come with closets. Now I know why IKEA sells all those wardrobes.) I now realize "they are paying to move us" means they are simply shipping our household goods for us.
Writing this all out has made me feel better. Perhaps it's been a downer for you reading it, especially if you read my Facebook post yesterday. But for now this is where I am at. --Stick with me. I promise it will get better and cheerier. Things usually do!
Very soon I will be back to posting artwork and observations on life in a foreign country. Expect many stories on how I embarrass my 12 year old by sticking out as American. I am sure one day soon I will feel happily contented with life here and that is when God will move us on to another adventure. But for now I will just work on keeping my guard down for a little longer and lean into feeling sad.
Country road in Sembach
I found out we are moving to Germany at the end of the summer. Amidst all the craziness and to do lists I have been managing to paint in the mornings. (My Instagram feed has a better record).
This morning I painted a tomato. I really love painting them for some reason. Niw that monkey is off my back, time to do some packing.
Heirloom Tomato
Ah life! It is a constant series of beginnings and endings and then beginning again.
I finished up my five week stint as art teacher sub. Overall it was a blast, though it had its high points and a few low points. You could tell the kids were REALLY ready to be out of school by week three, and to be fair the teachers were too. I had a lot of great photos I wanted to share of monsters we created that somehow were lost on my phone... hmmmm. Should I take it as a sign? Maybe I am not ready to get my teaching license just yet.